Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of the south ridge

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of the south ridge

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 01:17, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Moar Naboo! IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:23, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Plagueis327 18:42, February 1, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Support! Menkooroo 00:20, February 9, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Nicely done, CP. Set your Sykes on FA status! ~SavageBOB sig 18:29, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 23:17, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

Object

One thought
  • "After the meeting" What meeting?
  • Good job, CP. As a note, I changed the template in the sources section to {{Imo}} instead of {{Imp}}. If that isn't what you intended there, feel free to change it to what you meant.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 17:49, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
Floyd:
Widow's Valley
  • The civilian casulaties are unsourced in the infobox. I'm 99.9% sure that Battle For Naboo is the source, but I'll leave it up to you on that 0.1% chance I'm wrong. :P Also, this info seems to be missing from the article body.
  • Army C seems significant enough to get its own article. Normally I'd just redlink it, but that would create an infobox redlink, which ain't OK.
  • The body has the Naboo Resistance fighting STAPs; should Naboo Resistance maybe be in the "combatants" field of the infobox?
  • Can you mention the Naboo people as early as the prelude? When the Gungans are introduced as "the planet's other indigenous race," it hasn't been made clear yet what species Amidala and co. are. Maybe they're Gungans! :D
  • The into and body both state that Army C is "heading toward the battle raging on the Great Grass Plains" --- if the battle is already raging, shouldn't it be in "concurrent," rather than "next" in the infobox?
  • Is Palmer really a soldier? Our article on her says she's a pilot and doesn't use the word soldier once.
  • Our article on laser turret claims that they're exclusive to the The Old Republic timeframe. Since you're familiar with Battle For Naboo, can you either a) update that article if the turrets in the game are indeed laser turrets or b) change the links in this article to autoturret, which, judging by its "Appearances" section, is a video game staple?
  • The "Aftermath" section reads as if Gunray's capture is a result of the droid control ship being destroyed. Can you reword?
  • "Aftermath" also jumps around chronologically. The control ship is destroyed, then suddenly Sykes is in a fighter and it hasn't been destroyed yet. Can you correct this and present the info chronologically?
  • The article's body says that the convoy is heading toward the Battle of Grassy Plains, but the "Aftermath" quote asserts that they were heading toward the city. Is there a discrepancy between the game and the New Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels?
    • Well, in the game, Sykes says "they're heading your (Panaka's) way" which implies Theed, but NEGVV says its a flanking force for Grassy Plains. Is there a way I should address this? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 01:59, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
      • I'd say a note in Behind the Scenes explaining the discrepancy would be the best solution. Menkooroo 02:57, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
        • Too little? Just right? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 03:50, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
          • I split the BTS into two paragraphs; hope that's OK. Hmmm... the BTS states "The New Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels establishes that Army C is a flanking force at the Battle of Grassy Plains." The NEGTVV says that they're a flanking force at the Battle of Grassy Plains? It doesn't say they're heading toward the Battle of Grassy Plains? If that's the case, then it actually looks like there's no discrepancy at all. Instead, it seems like they're heading from Grassy Plains to Theed when Sykes encounters them. Is this correct? ie, is that what the NEGTVV actually says? If so, the intro and body will need to be updated, and the bit about the discrepancy can be removed from the BTS. Menkooroo 06:28, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
            • Let's see if I can clear this up. The NEGTCC doesn't actually say anything: On the diagram, there's an arrow to one side of the Gungan Grand Army that just says Army C and a note saying they were destroyed by the Royal Security Force (that is, Sykes). The 2011 magazine also says its part of the Grassy Plains. So, I was thinking maybe replacing "at" with "for." Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 22:39, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
              • Ah, OK. So the NEGTVV and the Starships magazine tell us that Army C is at the Battle of Grassy Plains, but Battle for Naboo has them destroyed before the Battle actually begins. I guess the BTS note should explain that, then. And since nothing ever says that they're on their way to Grassy Plains when Sykes destroys them, the article should probably follow the video game and say that they're on their way to Theed, not Grassy Plains. Make sense? Menkooroo 03:55, February 7, 2012 (UTC)
                • See here for the NEGVV info. I double-checked the magazine, and it says the convoy is heading toward the Grassy Plains. So how should I handle this? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 16:26, February 7, 2012 (UTC)
                  • Ah, OK, gotcha. In that case, a note in "Behind the scenes" explaining the discrepancy will do it. The current BTS wording doesn't really clearly explain what the discrepancy is; be sure to explain that one source says they're heading toward Theed when Sykes destroys them, and another says Grassy Plains. Menkooroo 03:26, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • Okay, how's that? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 17:55, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • All from me! Good stuff. Menkooroo 01:46, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
Savaged…
  • Is it proper to call the Gungans Naboo's "other" indigenous species? Aren't Humans indigenous elsewhere?
    • Just left it at "other."
  • "and other members of his resistance cell driving a Seraph-class speeder..." Were they all driving? Or were most riding in the speeder?
  • In the gathering, you take a Sykes-centric perspective. For instance, you say that Sykes and his crew got a message from Panaka, who later radios to tell them something else. But Panaka's already there at the battle site, no? I think the article should take a more bird's-eye-view and describe Panaka's actions in the same register as Sykes's. In other words, Panaka radios the others, that's important to know, but he also does stuff at the same time Sykes and co. are hopping in that speeder, right? Similarly, in "South Ridge," we get the battle from Sykes's POV, but the other people are part of the same battle, right? We shouldn't learn about what they're doing when they radio Sykes about it. Instead, just say what they were doing.
  • Similarly, the battle focuses on the Naboo side of things. I realize this is where the sources focus too, but wherever possible, we need some perspective on what the Trade Federation forces are doing too. In other words, don't lose the individual heroics of Sykes when they're pertinent, but describe the battle like you would a chess game whenever possible too.
    • The TF doesn't do much. The convoy moves no matter what, and anything else is vulnerable to a proton bomb. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 23:29, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
      • Maybe one more mention of that might be in order. Like when Sykes catches up to the convoy, maybe remind us of where it was at the time. ~SavageBOB sig 16:53, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
      • Also take a look at the paragraph that begins with "Sykes' resistance cell joined Captain Panaka..." Here, rather than saying that these Trade Federation forces had attacked the ridge, give the Trade Federation a role in your narrative. They are an equal player in this battle, so describe them attacking with the same attention you have given to the Naboo side. Also, in the first line of "South Ridge," you again have Sykes discovering the Trade Federation's moves. Instead, tell us the moves and then describe Sykes finding out about it. Then when the Palmer radios Sykes, we again hear about what's going on in that part of the battle through Sykes' POV. Instead, say that Palmer came under attack and then radioed Sykes about it. Later we learn Sykes saved the Naboo airbase from attacking bombers. Why not tell us that the Trade Federation sent bombers to attack the airbase first? Again, we need to get out of Sykes' POV. You also don't inform us that the convoy is Army C until late in the paragraph; you should probably ID them as such upon first mention. Later, when Panaka informs Sykes about spotting a bridge, we should also hear that Panaka spotted a bridge first (that's more important than the fact that he told Sykes about it.) The article should be told from an omniscient, neutral POV, not the Naboo POV or the Sykes POV. That's what I'm trying to get at. ~SavageBOB sig 00:52, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
        • I apologize for the delay; I believe I got most of this-except for the part about the bridge. The source doesn't really indicate who had discovered the bridge, just that they had. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 00:41, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
          • I did another draft to better make the Trade Federation POV come out alongside the Naboo one. But please check the referencing; I know the convoy isn't identified as Army C in the game, so you may need to juggle or repeat refs a bit. Sorry. :( ~SavageBOB sig 15:10, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
  • The level of play-by-play gets quite high at times and should be toned back, I think. For instance, the final paragraph of "the Gathering" reads like a line-for-line rendition of Sykes and Panaka's dialogue. Similarly, in "South Ridge," I'd remove instances where so-and-so radioed so-and-so and so-and-so responded such-and-such unless it's crucial to our understanding of how the battle played out.
    • "For instance, the final paragraph of "the Gathering" reads like a line-for-line rendition of Sykes and Panaka's dialogue." It is. The conversation takes place during a cutscene. For the second part of your objection, i believe all that is crucial to understand how the battle played out. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 23:29, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
      • My point is that it shouldn't be a line-by-line rendition of their conversation. Give us the spirit of what they talked about, not the precise paraphrase you have there now. And I still think that the play-by-play is a bit too much. I don't have the time at the moment, but I'll trim down a paragraph later today as an example of how you can trim the fat a bit. ~SavageBOB sig 16:53, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
  • I know you were trying to add more links to things like tank and trooper, but it gets tedious to have to read the full version of vehicle names over and over, so I've abbreviated some (AAT and STAP). That's it. Once you get a chance to address these, I'm happy to support. :) ~SavageBOB sig 13:39, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
    • Thanks for taking the time to look it over...as for the abbreviations, I think I was told somewhere not to put those. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 23:29, February 10, 2012 (UTC)
      • There's nothing wrong with abbreviations as long as you introduce them in full on first mention. It gets cumbersome to have to read things like "All-Terrain Armored Transport" over and over. :) ~SavageBOB sig 16:53, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
  • OK, almost there! Can you add a line or two about the Trade Federation's motives in the "Prelude" section? ~SavageBOB sig 15:10, February 18, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Before I begin a full review, please reload the infobox, paying attention to unnecessary spacing in addition to missing parameters. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:23, March 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • Not an objection, but for your reference there's no advantage in trying to format the "ref name" field in each citation into italics. It accomplishes absolutely nothing, except adding additional data to the page that might just make it harder and slower to load for some people.
  • Is there canon evidence for "light to medium casualties" and "Civilian buildings damaged or destroyed" descriptions in the infobox? Because that sounds like speculation to me for material we're not sure about. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:53, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
    • For the civilians, yes. (Visual evidence). For the soldiers, "heavy" casualties is a definite mission failure, which leaves light-medium as the only other result. Should i add a ref note to that effect? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 23:04, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
      • I'm afraid my meaning may not have been perfectly clear. Instead of saying "damaged or destroyed," would it be possible to say "damaged and/or destroyed," which I think gives a little further indication that both happened to the victimized buildings? And for the casualties, does the game actually use the terminology "light-medium"? Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:14, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • I would suggest listing Bravo Squadron under forces1, not under side1, only because it's a specific unit and not an overall organization like the Royal Naboo Security Forces. We tend to list affiliations (i.e. the Republic, Trade Federation) under "sides" and contributing units or forces (i.e. Shadow Squadron, Death Squadron) under "forces," since the line between them has to be distinguishable.
  • Is there anything else you can specify under casualties1 so that we can see what "Light to medium" in terms of casualties means?
  • Can any article be linked in the intro in reference to the "trade dispute"?
  • "Naboo's other species": is there a different way you can word this? This makes it sound as if the Naboo and Gungans are the world's only species, which isn't necessarily true.
  • "The Trade Federation then saw the gathering Gungan Grand Army": where did they see them? Why is that significant?
    • How's that? Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 23:13, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
      • It still seems unclear of where and why the Gungan Grand Army was gathering. I'm assuming you mean for the diversionary assault that ended up being the Battle of Grassy Plains, so I would suggest mentioning that diversionary assault since it seems to be directly related to this battle. Mentioning this in the Prelude would tie in to the bit you added in the body about the Great Grass Plains. On a side note, if you mention Sidious, you'll need to provide context for him, and it also seems necessary to mention that he was the one orchestrating the Federation's actions concerning Naboo. It's your call on whether mentioning Sidious is necessary to this battle, but if he's included, the aforementioned info and context should be included too. CC7567 (talk) 05:36, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
  • Is it "South Ridge" or "south ridge" (i.e. "South ridge")? Please be consistent throughout the entire article, including in the subsection names.
  • "en route to a battle soon to be raging": I don't believe it's possible to be heading to participate in a battle that hasn't started yet. If you're trying to say that the "convoy was heading for the Grassy Plains to launch an assault on the Gungan Army gathering there," then something like that would sound clearer and more prudent. Please clarify.
  • "where a speeder waited": for what or whom, exactly? For Sykes? Please clarify.
  • Fairly good overall, but please make sure to keep an eye on linking; some of it was still rather sporadic. I would highly recommend using the Find feature on your browser (ctrl + F on most browsers) to check if you're linking articles at the appropriate times. CC7567 (talk) 22:26, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 18:09, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

  1. Part of WP:VG. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 03:32, October 17, 2011 (UTC)