Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of Orto Plutonia/Legends (second nomination)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Orto Plutonia

  • Nominated by: JangFett (Talk) 00:50, August 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I consider this to be one of my last major projects for sometime :P

(5 Inqs/5 Users/10 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:11, August 28, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:42, August 29, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:43, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
  4. One of my favorite CW episodes.--ID-21 Dolphin DolphinJedi(Talk) 02:18, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote --Eyrezer 19:10, October 7, 2010 (UTC)
  6. I think I read this a while back. Good job. 1358 (Talk) 15:32, October 21, 2010 (UTC)
  7. An article worthy of the episode.--Lord David 16:36, December 17, 2010 (UTC)
  8. CloneCody 05:40, December 24, 2010 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 20:58, December 26, 2010 (UTC)
  10. I'd say this sucker's good to go. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 22:13, January 6, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Attack of the Floyd
  • Intro: "Orto Plutonia's only indigenous species called the Talz attacked the base and killed stationed clone troopers." Any reason why the Talz would attack a Republic base? Clarify.
  • "However, for Cho, he wanted the Talz to leave the planet," Sort of confusing wording here; Something like "Cho wanted the Talz to leave" would be better.
    • That works; addressed.
  • "Rex ordered his men to fall back, though the order was rejected by Cho." Why would Cho reject the order? Clarify.
    • Addressed
  • Context on Pantora in the intro.
    • Thanks for pointing that out. I corrected it.
  • Again in the body: Why would the Talz attack? Clarify.
    • Sadly, it's not said why.
  • Please call the Republic station "Glid Station" when you first mention it; the way you have it now, the mention of a "Glid Station" seems kind of out of the blue.
    • Addressed
  • You call Pantora a planet in the Prelude section, while Pantora's own article states that it is a moon. Which is it?
    • bah, addressed.
  • "Upon landing on the planet's surface onboard a LAAT/i gunship, near Glid Station, Kenobi and Skywalker met with the two politicians." This contradicts the closing sentence of the previous paragraph. This implies that the Jedi only met with Chuchi and Cho once they landed, while the preceding sentence sounds like they were with them while they were en route to Orto Plutonia. Which is it?
    • Hopefully this takes care of it
  • "Meeting with Thi-Sen, the leader of the Talz, scribe Medcha Wanto," Word missing?
    • Addressed

*Prelude: "but Skywalker denied it." Denied what? The order? Clarify.

    • Addressed
  • "Thi-Sen's men on the hill continued to throw spears at the Republic group, which was quickly killing clone troopers." Reword; it sounds like the Republic group was killing clone troopers.
  • "The Clone Captain told Skywalker eleven of the casualties" He only told him eleven of the casualties? Reword.
    • Both addressed
  • That's all. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:16, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review, Floyd. Sorry for taking so long to address these. JangFett (Talk) 00:39, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
Eyrezer
  • "The log was deemed useful when Rex told Kenobi and Skywalker that the droid revealed that a team of droids were investigating for activity near a southern canyon." This sentence is a bit unclear to me. Would it not be more direct to say that the log revealed there was a team of droids, etc, etc, rather than the deeming useful part?
    • Addressed
  • The Aftermath section is only three short sentences. I think these should instead be at the end of the battle section. They occur immediately after the last sentences of the battle and the distinction created here seems pretty artificial to me. The aftermath quote is also rather vapid, and doesn't add much to the article, and could be cut to just the last sentence by Kenobi anyway.
    • Addressed
      • Not your fault about the quote, by the way, just TCW dialogue... --Eyrezer 19:10, October 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • That's all. Nice article, otherwise. --Eyrezer 21:34, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review, Eyre. Sorry it took so long to address these. JangFett (Talk) 17:21, September 27, 2010 (UTC)
The clone arrives
  • "The base was manned by clone cold assault troopers." This seems to be mentioned at a random time, as it doesn't have any real relevance in its current placement, especially since you mention the "clones stationed" at Glid Station later when they are attacked by the Talz. Can this info perhaps be moved there?
    • Addressed
  • "Upon landing on the planet's surface aboard an LAAT/i gunship, Kenobi and Skywalker met with Cho and Chuchi near Glid Station. Kenobi ordered Skywalker and his two droids, R2-D2 and C-3PO, to remain near the gunship, while he, a group of clone troopers, and the two Pantorans entered the station." Is the order of entry of Glid Station really necessary? This seems like something more relevant to a summary about the episode instead of to a prelude about the battle. Perhaps you can shorten this somehow to primarily focus on the group's arrival, Cho's conclusion, and Kenobi's denial, and leave all other unnecessary info out.
    • Sure, addressed.
  • Please expand upon the size of the Republic group when it is first mentioned. It isn't immediately clear what the full strength of the task force was.
    • Addressed
  • "Inside the Separatist base, the two Jedi and Rex turned on a holoprojector to watch recorded logs to find out what had attacked the base. A hologram showed a Talz warrior attacking a lone battle droid. Rex told Kenobi and Skywalker that the droid revealed that a team of droids were investigating for activity near a southern canyon." This passage is overall rather p-b-p, and I'm not even sure if mentioning the hologram is necessary to the main time line of events. Basically all that seems relevant here is the fact that the Jedi found from the droids' logs the lead that they had been investigating the southern canyon; beyond that, I don't think much more needs to be said. Please see what you can do to cut out the unnecessary info.
    • Addressed
      • "Rex told Kenobi and Skywalker that the log revealed that a team of droids had been investigating the planet's southern canyon." Rex's dialogue is overall unnecessary to the grand scheme of things, so I think this can be reworded to focus just on the fact of the lead to the southern canyons. I'll work on this with you. CC7567 (talk) 01:41, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Kenobi and Skywalker, mounted on BARC speeders, arrived at a Talz camp." The jump from the last sentence to hear is rather sudden, and it isn't really explained how the Jedi found the camp—did they just go to the southern canyon, and that's where they found it? Perhaps saying something like "Upon investigating the southern canyon, the Jedi discovered the Talz camp there." I do recognize the fact that you might have removed this in concordance with my earlier objections, but I think you can explain this a little better here.
    • Yeah, sorry about this, CC. Addressed
  • "Cho ordered Rex to round up his men for battle, but Skywalker denied the order. Despite the setback": the flow of events here is a bit jumpy, and it also isn't clear why Skywalker denied the order. I'd recommend perhaps saying "the Jedi insisted on the meeting" (or something that's more factually correct than that) instead of simply saying that he denied the order.
    • Addressed
  • "Kenobi and Skywalker then entered the base and greeted Thi-Sen, with the assistance of C-3PO, who translated a welcome greeting in the Talz's native language. After Thi-Sen spoke to the protocol droid, C-3PO translated his words into Basic for Cho and the others to hear. The Chairman told the Talz leader that he was not welcome to stay on the planet, and C-3PO translated his words for Thi-Sen, which upset him and the Talz behind him. Thi-Sen's response was a warning to Cho: either he would reconsider his decision or face war. Cho chose the latter." I'd recommend cutting the detail here down. You don't have to state every single action here; only the important stuff—that "Cho, using C-3PO as a translator, declared war on the Talz despite the Talz's desire for the opposite" (or something similar to that). Please see what you can do.
    • Addressed
      • "Kenobi and Skywalker then entered the base and greeted Thi-Sen, with the assistance of protocol droid C-3PO, who translated a welcome greeting in the Talz's native language. After Thi-Sen spoke to the protocol droid, C-3PO translated his words into Basic for Cho and the others to hear. Using C-3PO as a translator, Cho did not care for the Talz presence on the planet and declared war on the Talz, despite Thi-Sen's desire for peace." Is the greeting part really necessary to the overall flow of events? Also, some unclear wording here: Cho didn't use a translator to "not care for the Talz presence"; he already didn't care for the Talz, and he simply used a translator to "convey" this feeling. Please do what you can to reword. CC7567 (talk) 01:41, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • Yeah, I see what you're saying. Hopefully this is good. JangFett (Talk) 07:07, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Meanwhile, back at Glid Station, Kenobi, Skywalker, and Chuchi made contact with the speaker of the Pantoran Assembly aboard an LAAT/i gunship. Through a hologram transmission, the speaker told them that Cho's actions were out of order, and that Chuchi was to negotiate peace between the Talz and Pantorans." Isn't this the Pantoran Assembly Representative, not the speaker? I mean, he could be the speaker, but I don't think that's been confirmed anywhere. Please clarify.
    • Per the episode, I thought it was the speaker who could override Cho's actions. Nothing specially says it's a representative. In Chuchi's databank entry, it says she only spoke with the Pantoran Assembly, and not a representative nor the leader. I decided that I should just say "she spoke with the Pantoran Assembly," and sourced it to the episode guide. (What the ep guide says: "Back at Glid Station, aboard a parked gunship, Chuchi has made contact with the Pantoran Assembly.")
      • Sorry; I think I worded this objection rather badly. I wasn't trying to saying that they didn't make contact with the speaker; I was just saying that the person in the hologram isn't confirmed to be the speaker, yet that is how the article presents it. Again, sorry for not clarifying that. CC7567 (talk) 01:41, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • "With C-3PO, Chuchi walked up to the Talz, who remained on their mounts. Slamming a spear to the ground as a sign for peace, as well as placing Cho's helmet on the end of the spear, Chuchi began to talk to Thi-Sen. After she finished, C-3PO translated her words for Thi-Sen. Soon, Thi-Sen agreed to settle the conflict and placed his spear on the ground as well. Before departing, Chuchi told Thi-Sen that he and the Talz were allowed to remain and live in peace on Orto Plutonia." This is another passage that is rather p-b-p. Remember, you don't have to list every single action and detail that happens, only the ones that are directly relevant to the battle. While I would say that yes, the monument of the spears and Cho's helmet is relevant, I think it's being given a little too much detail here; perhaps you can say something like "Chuchi and Thi-Sen marked the spot with a monument" at the end instead of using more words than necessary to say how it was formed.
    • How's that? Addressed
  • Perhaps you can give the Clone Wars Adventures appearance a brief Bts mention? I don't know specifically where it appears, but I believe it appears in one of the mini-games, so that might be worth mentioning.
    • bah, my computer is still having difficulties playing this game. I gave it a bts mention, but what about the update tag? Hopeuflly I could find something that has the information.
  • I do realize that the majority of this relates to details, and while I know I've given you a lot of objections on this subject, I really do think that you can make the article better by being just a little more picky about the amount of relevant details that go into the article. If you want to discuss these with me, feel free to catch me on IRC sometime. CC7567 (talk) 06:51, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sure, CC. I'll catch you on IRC tonight, if you're on.
  • Also, I'm not sure how much info in "Sphere of Influence" is relevant to the battle, but I'll leave you to decide how much to put in. CC7567 (talk) 07:45, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
    • Yeah, I'll talk about this with you as well. I don't think anything is relevant, besides George Lucas replaced Cho as the chairman. :P JangFett (Talk) 17:23, October 24, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll work out the rest of these with you on IRC. CC7567 (talk) 01:41, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • Writing this down before I forget to ask you about it: please update the article with the Clone Wars Adventures info when you get the chance; you're welcome to ask me about any questions you may have. I'm only objecting to this to make sure it gets done, as I have a tendency more than anyone else to forget things. :P CC7567 (talk) 06:39, December 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • Heh, no problem. Addressed. Hopefully the info is fine. JangFett (Talk) 07:25, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
      • I think it might be best to bring back the Aftermath section and stick this new info there. Also, maybe you could try to link to the battle (i.e. "Defense of Orto Plutonia," which is what it's called), even though it may not immediately get an article? CC7567 (talk) 07:31, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
        • Yeah, that sounds good. JangFett (Talk) 07:43, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
          • Sorry for extending this, but you might consider moving the bit about the peace agreement between Chuchi and Thi-Sen to the Aftermath section; it seems a little more proper there, but it depends on whether the transition between "The battle" and "Aftermath" sections can be reworked. However, moving the peace agreement to the Aftermath will definitely add a little more "meat" to that section—and open up better opportunities for quotes, so try and see what you can do. (Careful of that infobox redlink, though. :P) CC7567 (talk) 08:11, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
            • I took care of that redlink by creating a stub article for that Defense of Orto Plutonia. I'll go ahead and take care of the other part of your objection as well. Per Eyre's objection, I removed the original aftermath section and quote. I could make the transitioning between the new aftermath section and battle much better, as well as readd the quote for the aftermath section. JangFett (Talk) 08:26, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
Trayus
  • In the information you've added from TCW: Adventures indicates that there were Confederate forces involved in either this battle or a separate conflict immediately following this battle. If the former is true, you need to add this information to the infobox and intro. If the latter is true, then you'll need to add the "next" battle to the infobox and an aftermath section. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 07:36, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • I don't know too much about the forces, however. Hopefully CC or someone could clarify this, but I'm not sure at this point. JangFett (Talk) 07:43, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
      • The Defense of Orto Plutonia is definitely a separate battle, so the way the article is currently formatted should be good. Confederate forces are present in the Defense, but since it's a whole different conflict, they shouldn't have to be listed in the infobox. CC7567 (talk) 08:11, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
  • And the final objection for this long-drawn out process: I think it would be prudent to add just a tad bit of information from SoI, so as to beef up the aftermath a bit. Just a sentence or two saying that Cho was replaced by George Lucas. It's relevant to the article anyway, and will only help. Other than that, its a great article. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 21:49, December 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • Actually, one more. What's your reasoning for calling Chuchi a commander in the battle? She was there as more of a diplomatic observer than an actual military commander. I don't really remember her issuing any commands, either. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 21:52, December 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • Both addressed. Thanks again, Trayus. JangFett (Talk) 22:02, January 6, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 22:15, January 6, 2011 (UTC)

  • My objections are currently being handled via IRC. CC7567 (talk) 06:41, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sorry for the delay, CC. JangFett (Talk) 13:44, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • For the Inqs: I am sorry for delaying this article. I'm currently working on my other FAs, which need updates. After I am finished with those, I absolutely plan on working on this article. I see that the article also has an update tag. JangFett (Talk) 17:18, September 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Just added a sentence saying that Chi Cho was succeeded by N. Papanoida, as stated in the new TCW episode, and sourced this statement. Feel free to change this, but please be sure to leave some mention of that fact.--ID-21 Dolphin DolphinJedi(Talk) 13:01, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Not a formal objection, but I just wanted to write down somewhere (mostly as a reminder to myself) that I'm going to check one last part of Clone Wars Adventures for new info; there may still be some. I'll get back to you on that, Jang. CC7567 (talk) 05:15, December 24, 2010 (UTC)
    • Okay, I took a look at the game, and the battle isn't featured anywhere else besides in that "Starfighter" Defense of Orto Plutonia level, which doesn't even show the battle; it only mentions it. I've adjusted the Bts accordingly, so it should all be good now. CC7567 (talk) 20:58, December 26, 2010 (UTC)