Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of Iziz (Beast Wars)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Iziz (Beast Wars)

  • Nominated by: -- Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ will never die!

(6 Inqs/0 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Greyman(Talk) 05:04, 8 October 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 22:56, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 20:05, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:27, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Feh, more TOTJ. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:43, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote 6. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:09, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. From Greyman:
    • Like I mentioned to you in #WP:TotJ the other day, that intro needs to be taken to the butcher shop and sliced-and-diced by quite a bit :P From giving it a quick glance over, everything else appears in order -- I'll give 'er a more thorough read within the coming days, Tommy :) Greyman(Talk) 13:41, 2 October 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed. Thank you for the review, and if there is anything else required, please advise.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 03:01, 6 October 2008 (UTC)
  2. The audio drama is an adaptation, not an alternate and conflicting source. There really is no need for a template; a mention in the BtS is sufficient. Graestan(Talk) 02:04, 2 November 2008 (UTC)
    • I hate that template anyway. Removed.—Tommy9281Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 02:47, 2 November 2008 (UTC)
      • Given the precedent you set by removing the templates on Gobee's now-Featured article I have reverted the removal. I'm not sure either way but consistency is important. Please try and address this/you may want to open up a CT or whatever. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:04, 21 November 2008 (UTC)
  3. Ultimately, this has the same problem as the Raid on Iziz article, in that events are told exclusively from the perspective of the comic. Particular trouble spots are the revelation of the raid's intent, and Jeth's reason for coming to Onderon. This needs to be revised. Oron Kira only needs to be referred to as "Kira" after being introduced. In general, the prelude section could probably be slimmed down a touch, only to what is directly relevant to the battle. Thefourdotelipsis 09:14, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
  4. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Contextify Qel-Droma and his companions. You don't establish that they are the three Jedi sent to Onderon.
      • Addressed.
    • "before being led commed both his father and Commander Gobee, advising them to commence their counterstrikes," Confusing wording.
      • Addressed.
    • "A more powerful weapon" Could this section title possibly be reworded? It's unhelpful, vague, and flowery.
      • Addressed.
    • "Royal guard" Methinks this should either be Royal Guard, or royal guard, but not Royal guard. Do you know the correct usage?
      • Addressed.
    • "Before Qel-Droma could retrieve his sword, another Royal Protector attacked him and severed the downed Jedi's left arm." Is he using a sword or a lightsaber? Please clarify.
      • Addressed.
    • "Planetside, the spell caused darkness blacken the skies of Onderon, while thunder clapped and wind howled with voices of despair, which literally stifled the Jedi's ability to use the Force." Flowery prose and missing a word to boot.
      • Addressed.
    • The Aftermath section should not contain Jeth's confrontation with Amanoa. That is part of the actual battle, unless I'm gravely mistaken.
      • Addressed.
    • "Jeth and his companions followed a previously-untraveled path, until they came upon Queen Amanoa, " The path cannot be previously-untraveled if Amanoa used it. Please correct and clarify.
      • Addressed.
    • "It was here that Veitch laid a substantial foundation for Nadd" What does that mean? Are you talking about character? Backstory? His new condo on Manaan? :-P
      • Addressed.
    • Not an objection, but you have nine sources that are not referenced. None of them have anything new?
      • No, not anything different from the comics.
    • Second paragraph of BtS will need references to which comic arc Qel-Droma lost his arm in.
      • Addressed.
    • Other BtS segments that are not self-sourcing:
      • "who was the story's underlying protagonist."
        • Unable to directly source, removed.
      • another of the many characters he created for the Tales of the Jedi series."
        • Unable to directly source, removed.
    • Please check the Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia as a possible source.
      • I have been advised that no new information is present in CSWE regarding the Beast Wars.
        • Is it a source, though? The Star Wars Encyclopedia is listed as a source, and CSWE should be too if it does mention the battle, whether or not it has new information. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:56, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Cleanup-tastic. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:48, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
  5. "Having convinced the Princess..." This sentence needs some work, as it basically says the same thing twice. —Xwing328(Talk) 02:30, 23 January 2009 (UTC)
  6. Toprawa:
    • Check CSWE for new information and add to Source list if appropriate.
      • I have been advised that no new information is present in CSWE regarding the Beast Wars.
        • I'm willing to bet some kind of mention still exists within, which would necessitate inclusion into the Source list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:17, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Please add a year to the BTS for when this comic/storyarc was released. I would have done so myself, but I couldn't find a specific year anywhere on our site. Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:00, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Addressed. Thank you for the review, Toprawa. Please advise if anything further will be required. —Tommy9281Dark Side Master TotG (Peace is a lie) 08:34, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
  7. Chack Attack:
    • "nearly 400 Beast Riders" Does the comic give this number? I don't remember it.
      • Actually, the audio does.
    • Remember to punctuate your image captions.
      • Somebody removed those, but I can put'em back. —Unsigned comment by Tommy9281 (talk • contribs)
        • Please do not re-punctuate them. I removed the periods because the captions are not complete sentences, and thus should not be punctuated per our CT on this very matter. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:27, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
          • Toprawa and I talked about this, and I will punctuate them shortly. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:58, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
            • Yeah, my bad, disregard. Some of those are definitely complete sentences. Chack showed me the error of my ways :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:12, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
    • In the intro, you say it wasn't until they went to see Amanoa with Galia that her allegiance to Nadd was revealed, contradicting info in body.
      • Addressed. How's that?
        • Let me be a little more specific. In the intro, you say that they went to rescue her yada yada, then you set that when the Jedi got back, Amanoa revealed her allegiance to Nadd. In the body, you say that the Jedi learned this at the Beast Rider ceremony. Which is it? Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:30, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Also, I can check CSWE if you need me to, Tommy. Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:16, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
      • I'd greatly appreciate that, Chack. Thanks.—Tommy9281Dark Side Master TotG (Peace is a lie) 17:35, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
        • No new info and I saw it's already been added to "Sources". You're good to go with that, then. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:56, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  1. Dedicated to my young friend Master Ooroo, who originally undertook this endeavor with me.—Tommy9281 Red lightsaber (Peace is a lie) 03:01, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:09, 28 January 2009 (UTC)