Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Azlyn Rae

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Azlyn Rae

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 12:25, November 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Caught in a bad romance.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. RaRaAhAhAh RoMaRoMaMa GaGaOohLaLa. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 08:40, November 16, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Awesome, just awesome work. Rasi Tuum's next.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:35, November 18, 2010 (UTC)
  3. good article!<-Omicron 15:14, November 19, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Count me thoroughly impressed. Bella'Mia 08:51, November 20, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Grunny (talk) 05:07, January 10, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Even if it is Legacy. — Fiolli; 14:10, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 17:16, January 20, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Xd1358
  • Only one from the intro: "During her childhood, she was apprenticed to the Jedi Master Rasi Tuum as she trained to be a Jedi on Ossus." I'm not entirely sure what you want to say with this sentence. Was she apprenticed because she was to become a Jedi or was she apprenticed while training on Ossus? 1358 (Talk) 23:50, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • Nice catch --- I chaned "as" to "while," hopefully the confusion is gone. Menkooroo 23:50, January 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Her diverse training prompted the Emperor to often assign her on missions as a Scout and undercover agent." Why is scout capitalized?
    • Not sure. Decapitalized!
  • Tense reunions: Both Crimson Axe and Socorro need slight context.
    • Added --- changed Crimson Axe to Golden Gorg Cantina, which is more specific and has built-in-context.
  • "…Rae placed a homing beacon on its hull. This allowed her to cloak her ship and follow him to Iego." So she was only able to cloak her ship because she set a homing beacon? Please reword.
    • Reworded, baby. Nice catch.
  • Ambush in the core: Context on Kiffex, please.
    • "The planet" good?
  • Another chance at life: "The Mynock crash-landed in the middle of a storm, and Skywalker rushed onto the ground, handing Rae to Rawk and Droo and demanding that they heal her." "and" gets pretty repetitive.
    • Made two sentences out of it.
  • Not an objection, but I'd prefer if the main image was changed to something lighter, if possible. Not keeping the article up or this; just a suggestion. :) 1358 (Talk) 14:55, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
    • I thought it was necessary to make it a picture of her post-accident, and the only real choices were the current one and this one. The current one is a little dark, but I thought it was a clear winner. Thoughts? Also, thank you for the review! Menkooroo 17:12, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • She was way hotter pre-incident… 8) I'm fine with this then. 1358 (Talk) 17:16, January 20, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:16, January 20, 2011 (UTC)

Only thing I would change is the line "An enraged Skywalker killed Morne and destroyed the Talisman, before Syn and Vao noticed that Rae was still alive." in the Ambush in the Core section. IMO, he wasn't enraged, he did it deliberately to free Celeste. <-Omicron 16:49, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

  • That's a good point. Skywalker was pretty angry about Rae, but he didn't kill Morne out of anger. I've tweaked the wording and added a bit about setting her free; how's it look? Menkooroo 06:17, November 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • works for me.<-Omicron 15:14, November 19, 2010 (UTC)