Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Anandra Milon

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Anandra Milon

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 12:08, September 4, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first canon nomination

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:32, September 4, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Nivlacanator Talk 13:59, October 21, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Brandon Rhea(talk) 15:38, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:46, April 7, 2015 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Talk) 05:09, May 14, 2015 (UTC)
  6. Coruscantfan (Talk) 00:05, June 26, 2015 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Exiled Jedi (talk) 22:38, August 15, 2015 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
Brandon
  • Without having read the story, I can presume based on the opening quote that she was born 16 years before the Battle of Yavin. If I'm correct, you should add that information into the infobox.
    • Good point, I'm still not quite use to working without the BBY years yet. Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:22, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
  • Is there nothing that you could put into a "Skills and abilities" section? She seems to have some skills based on the events of the biography. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 16:41, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
    • There's not really any skill or ability she's implied to be particularly good or bad at. Anything I put would be kind of vague extrapolation that I'm not sure is necessary. Is there something specific you had in mind? Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:22, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
      • She wields a gun; how does she do with it? Then she was able to take on a stormtrooper and steal his gun. For a weakness, she then suffered injuries as a result. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 17:37, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
        • There are details on her outsmarting the trooper in personality and traits, and I'm not sure her getting hit several times is enough to comment on her skills or abilities. As for wielding the blaster she points it at the Mon Calamari and it says that it "twitches in her hands", which again isn't really telling us much although I've added it to the P&T. I still really don't think there's anything that gives us enough information to be worth having a skills and abilities section. Ayrehead02 (talk) 19:52, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
SE
  • The article states Reffe was killed by stormtroopers in a riot, when he was in fact shot in the street while delivering his tirade. Please correct this.
    • Reworded. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
      • Please specify that he was shot in the street.
        • Added, although given the information is directly relevant to her I'm not sure such detail is required. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:23, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • The story says she took a picture of some signs advertising local entertainment on her previous visit to Level 1997. Please specify this.
    • It just says that she took a picture with a holocam, not what the image was of. Her taking the picture is already included in the article. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
      • It describes the signs advertising local entertainment then says she snapped their image with a holocam.
        • It describes the signs as she arrives there and then says when she was younger her friend
          • It says "Anandra had been to Level 1997 once before, on a dare with a schoolmate; they'd taken the lift down, snapped their image with a holocam, then returned skyward." Nothing in that sentence implies the picture was of the signs. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:23, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
            • I misread it the first time. After re-reading it, I think they actually took their own picture while on the level, because it refers to them taking a lift down together, then snapping "their" image with a holocam before returning skyward.
              • It doesn't necessarily mean that, as the wording could also just mean a picture belonging to them. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:18, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
  • Please specify that after Reffe's death, her mother tried to reassure them at breakfast.
  • The story states that while Alderaanians were being arrested in the streets, there was no HoloNet service, making it impossible to spread the news.
  • It also says the day after that, when the Imperials went door to door, they claimed that Rebels had been recruiting locals, and that anyone born on Alderaan needed to be taken in for questioning.
  • The story doesn't specify that her neighbor first informed her of the rumor, just that she repeated it with a cynical grin.
    • I didn't mean for it to imply she was the frist to tell her, so reworded. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
  • I'm not seeing where the story says her mother was arrested. All it says is she heard her mother open the door, and the static of a stormtrooper's voice before the cleaning unit carried them away.
    • I could of sworn it specifically said that somewhere, but double checking I can't find it. Reworded. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
  • They were told about Level 2142 before the run in with the Underworld Police.
    • Reordered. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
      • Please specify that the family friend directed them to Level 2142.
  • Santiago didn't want to leave without their mother, and only Anandra and the close call convinced him.
  • Please reword it a bit to clarify that they arrived two days after the transport had left.
    • Reworded. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
      • Two days before she arrived at Hangra's Meat Shack, not arrived on the level.
        • Reworded. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:24, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
          • Where does the story specify the transport left before they arrived on the level?
  • Finished the first two sections of the bio. After seeing how much detail is missing, I strongly suggest going over the story with a fine tooth comb to make sure you aren't missing more. I also strongly suggest going over any of your other noms from this story, as some of them are also missing information. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:44, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
    • Double checked through and reworded a few more bits to be more specific. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:36, February 27, 2015 (UTC)
  • Where does the story specify the riots were broken up by stormtroopers? The closest thing I'm seeing is "The day after the stormtroopers shot Reffe, security forces began arresting anyone in the street."
    • I took that to be them breaking up the riots, but reworded. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:23, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • The story specifies what kind of food the man gave them.
  • It doesn't say they slept as soon as they arrived on the level. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:08, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
    • I don't think the sentence in the article implies that either? Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:23, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • Can you specify that the family friend directed them to Level 2142?
  • Can you reword the Centax 3 delivery part? The story doesn't specify a delivery from Centax 3, just "the" Centax 3 delivery.
    • I'm not sure of the difference but done. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:18, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
  • In the P&T it says she wanted to attack the guy at Hangra's Meat shack, the story specifies she wanted to drag him over the counter and yell at him until everything was right.
    • Changed attack to drag over the counter. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:18, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
      • You make no mention of this in the bio.
        • Since she doesn't actually do anything I didn't think the specific details of what she felt like doing need to be in the body only the P&T. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:17, April 4, 2015 (UTC)
  • "After the transport had left Coruscant" You never specify which transport this refers to.
  • Please specify that the man at Hangra's directed them to Level 1997.
    • I actually totally missed that. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:18, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
      • You still don't mention that it was the man that sent them there. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:09, April 4, 2015 (UTC)
  • You don't make any mention of her snapping at Santigo in the bio. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:51, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
    • I thought having specific parts of conversations in the P&T was ok, but added. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:18, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Intro could use some info on why the Empire was rounding up Alderaanians.
  • Should probably mention Santigo earlier on in the bio.
    • Added. Any earlier and we can't be sure he's alive yet. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:22, April 9, 2015 (UTC)
  • "Anandra approached a stall named Hangra's Meat Shack where she asked the old man operating the grill about the Centax 3 delivery." There is absolutely no context as to why she would ask this.
    • There isn't any in the story either. I assume the Centax 3 delivery was the transport taking them off world but that's never stated. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:22, April 9, 2015 (UTC)
  • You're getting way too play-by-play. We don't need to know everything that they say.
    • Which bits in particular? Most of the info I'd consider play by play was added based on objections from SE and I don't want to undo his objections unless you specifically say they need to go. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:22, April 9, 2015 (UTC)
      • I'll speak with SE and get back to you. IFYLOFD (Talk) 04:27, April 17, 2015 (UTC)
        • I talked to Floyd, and I'm cool with the play by play being cut down. Supreme Emperor (talk) 00:29, April 20, 2015 (UTC)
          • I've removed one sentence I didn't think was necessary, but otherwise I'm struggling to remove anything without losing information that seems like it should stay in the article. What parts are you specifically looking for me to change? Is it the P&T? Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:12, April 28, 2015 (UTC)
            • I think you could shorten some stuff like the "Centax 3 delivery" part, since that has no apparent meaning. The P&T is also a bit airy, you sort of go over a lot of stuff from the bio again without really applying it to what those events say about her. IFYLOFD (Talk) 03:18, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
              • Cut down the delivery section but I feel as though all of the information I've included in the P&T reveals something about her personality or emotions during each event, I can extrapolate further to make clearer statements about what that shows about her, but in the past people have told me that's speculation. Ayrehead02 (talk) 08:24, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
                • I don't think that it's speculation if you really have solid evidence to extrapolate from, and I think you do in some of these cases. Give it a try. IFYLOFD (Talk) 02:32, May 4, 2015 (UTC)
                  • Ok I've reworded the P&T, making it less a chronological recount, and more two sections: one on her relationship with Santigo and the other on her emotional state. Is this any better? Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:33, May 10, 2015 (UTC)
                    • THIS IS HOWIE DO IT IFYLOFD (Talk) 05:09, May 14, 2015 (UTC)
  • Take care of these and I'll give it another look. IFYLOFD (Talk) 02:30, April 9, 2015 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • Some of the paragraphs in the article seem a little long. Could you try and rework things so that the paragraphs are shorter?
  • The biography section should be subsectioned due to its length.
  • I don't see why you need to restate that she was a Human female from Alderaan again in the P&T.
  • Could you mention her parents and brother earlier in the biography section?
  • "When the Imperial, she was surprised to find herself feeling giddy instead of angry or scared, and she managed to outsmart him and disarm him." I am slightly confused with what you are trying to say here.
  • Does it say who illustrated the short story?
  • Could you note she was the main character in the BTS?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 02:18, May 18, 2015 (UTC)
  • Please decapitalize Human here and in the rest of your Canon articles per the recent CT decision.
  • You have Starblossom both capitalized and uncapitalized. Please determine the correct capitalization and use it.
  • You have unsourced sections currently in the article.
  • "Stormtroopers shot Reffe, the neighbor of Anandra Milon's uncle, in the street as he gave a tirade against Imperial corruption." Does the story say if Milon witnessed this?
  • "before he showed them to a camp of other fugitives from the Empire." I thought he just gave them directions. This makes it sound like he actually took them there.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 02:46, June 18, 2015 (UTC)
    • Nope the Mon Calamari leads them there in person. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:50, June 19, 2015 (UTC)
  • The wording in the personality and traits section really needs to be cleaned up.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:54, July 11, 2015 (UTC)
  • In the story, it says that she never thought of Alderaan as her home planet until the Empire came to break up the vigils. Please add this to the P&T.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 19:41, July 26, 2015 (UTC)
    • It was already there but I've changed it to be more specific. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:59, July 26, 2015 (UTC)
  • "The next day, stormtroopers began going door to door to make arrests, although Milon heard rumors from people, including her next door neighbor, that second-generation immigrants were being relocated instead of arrested." Is this a separate "next day" from the previous next day? If it is, I'm not seeing it in the source. Please check the timeline carefully and correct the article if needed.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:46, July 29, 2015 (UTC)
    • The first paragraph on the right hand side of page 54 starts "The day after the stormtroopers shot Reffe..." the paragraph below starts "the day after that...". Ayrehead02 (talk) 08:15, July 29, 2015 (UTC)
      • In the article, you have the following starts to three sentences: "The day after Reffe's death..." "The troopers came door to door the following day..." "The next day, stormtroopers began going door to door to make arrests..." This makes it sound like there are three separate days involved, while from my reading of the story, there are only two days mentioned in this part. Does the story mention three days?--Exiled Jedi (talk) 00:40, July 31, 2015 (UTC)
        • I've removed mention of the third day. Ayrehead02 (talk) 08:32, July 31, 2015 (UTC)
  • You refer to "Milon" a few times in the article. As this could apply to Santigo or Anandra, you should use the appropriate first name to avoid confusion.
  • In the second paragraph of the P&T, I think you go into a little too much detail talking about her encounters with the trooper and the Mon Calamari. Could you try and condense things somewhat?--Exiled Jedi (talk) 23:32, August 10, 2015 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 22:39, August 15, 2015 (UTC)