Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Adari Vaal

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Adari Vaal

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:02, September 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first FA since getting to college. Hurray procrastination.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Plagueis327 (talk) 02:16, September 8, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 15:55, November 8, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 02:44, November 22, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Turn up the Vaal-ume! Menkooroo (talk) 03:38, December 2, 2012 (UTC)
  5. --Eyrezer (talk) 12:14, December 11, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 11:50, December 19, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Attack of the Clone
  • Can the "death" field be filled with anything? Perhaps "between 4,975 BBY and 2,975 BBY"? It's a bit of a long span, but ideally something should be there if it's known that she died.
    • Added.
  • Parts of the article, in particular "Legacy," need to be written more from Vaal's perspective. In the text of "Legacy," her memoirs don't get mentioned until hundreds of years chronologically after her death; it sounds a bit more like a summary of the eBook than the way her life should be detailed.
    • Rearranged.
  • Also, the second paragraph of "Rebel" should begin with focusing on her instead of the Lost Tribe, i.e. something like "By 4,975 BBY, Vaal and her Keshiri resistance were finally ready to act," instead of how it currently orders the material. Please rectify.
    • Rectified.
  • Her reaction to Korsin's inability to save Finn doesn't get mentioned in the P&T. Might be worth noting as another component of her hatred for them.
    • Mentioned.
  • Worth noting in the Bts that she got pictured in the Reader's Companion? CC7567 (talk) 18:19, November 21, 2012 (UTC)
Adari
  • Shouldn't "Daughter of the Skyborn" be bolded in the intro like her other nicknames?
    • Done.
  • Are there Force powers that can be pipelinked to "received a strange calming message" and "attacking her mind" ?
    • I'm not exactly sure what powers these would be. It's somewhat vague.
      • Some of the subheadings in our mind trick article look plausible, so I've added a pipelink to mind trick. Feel free to remove it if you think it's too vague to make that call.
  • The beginning of the third paragraph of "Savior" reads a little repetitively. It's chronologically fine due to the "Along the way" included, but I think it could be written more efficiently and not say that she found uvak-riders and brought them to the Sith twice within four sentences.
    • Is this good?
  • In the opening of the P&T, "never ending her fight... for freedom from the Sith" is sourcd to Skyborn. That doesn't seem right.
    • Huh, good catch. Fixed.
  • I'm thinking of the "Heretic!" "Good to see you too, mother" quote. Is it worth noting her sarcasm in the P&T, and/or the fact that even her own mother saw her as a heretic in the bio? Menkooroo (talk) 06:19, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
Eyrezer
  • "Although there was nothing sordid about their relationship,". Why the choice of the word 'sordid' (marked by baseness or grossness)? From the context, I presume you mean their relationship was only platonic, but if so, sordid is not the appropriate word to use here. --Eyrezer (talk) 03:53, December 6, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 11:50, December 19, 2012 (UTC)