Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Whisperbird (light cruiser)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was withdrawn. Please do not modify it.

Whisperbird (light cruiser)

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ThrawnChiss7
Generalirius Samonic
  • (Review note) — Welcome to the CAN!
    • Take note of my copy-edit: referencing unnecessary in the intro.
    • "Behind the scenes": Please move the Thrawn Ascendancy: Chaos Rising reference after the comma stating the warship's first appearance;
    • "Introduction": "The Whisperbird was a Chiss light cruiser in service to the Chiss Ascendancy's Expansionary Defense Fleet. It served as part of Picket Force Six under Admiral Ar'alani, and assisted in defeating the Nikardun Destiny at the Battle over Primea. The Whisperbird was also present at Senior Captain Thrawn's last stand, after Admiral Ar'alani had invited them to join." could you change that to something like this? "The Whisperbird was a Chiss light cruiser in service to Chiss Admiral Ar'alani's Picket Force Six of the Chiss Ascendancy's Expansionary Defense Fleet. The light cruiser assisted in the battle against the Nikardun Destiny. Following Ar'alani's invitation, the vessel assisted Senior Captain Thrawn's fleet in a battle against Grysk forces."
      • didn't do it exactly like that since I had to merge the intro and body but lmk if its good BloodOfIrizi (talk) 19:09, 17 May 2022 (UTC)
    • "History": "The Whisperbird was also in attendance at Senior Captain Thrawn's last stand after having been invited to join by Admiral Ar'alani, along with many other Chiss warships that were commanded by her former subordinates.[1]" — Can you reword this and clean it up? It doesn't read very well. — Also, please introduce "variety" by not referring to the Whisperbird only by its name, use "cruiser", "light cruiser", "warship", etc. — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 08:16, 17 May 2022 (UTC)
    • You have a duplicate link.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 07:17, 18 May 2022 (UTC)
    • "The Whisperbird was a Chiss light cruiser in service to the Chiss Ascendancy's Expansionary Defense Fleet, serving under Chiss Admiral Ar'alani's command of Picket Force Six." Can you just establish that it was part of Picket Force Six, which was commanded by Ar'alani? Doesn't read well right now — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 07:19, 18 May 2022 (UTC)
    • Please remove referencing from the intro.
    • Please break up the history paragraph.
    • Context for Paccian Governance, Garwian Unity, Kilji defectors.
    • BTS: Is Chaos Rising part of a trilogy? That should be added.
    • By my count: 273 words. This article is no longer eligible for Comprehensive article status.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:27, 21 May 2022 (UTC)
Luca
  • There are less than 165 words in the body. Please, remove the sectioning. LucaRoR Sigil of House Serenno (Talk) 15:07, 17 May 2022 (UTC)
Macaroni
  • No room for that image, please remove it.
  • Check your italics in the quote and the bts.
  • The bit about Lesser Evil in the bts is unnecessary and should be removed.
  • "serving under Chiss Admiral Ar'alani command of Picket Force Six" - something's not quite right here, probably a missing word or punctuation.
  • "Chiss heavy cruiser's" - please don't let me ever catch you using an apostrophe for a plural noun again :P
  • A date for both of the events should be added.
  • Can you add the results of both battles? JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 20:57, 17 May 2022 (UTC)
  • References go after punctuation.
    • fixed
  • The first date ref is sourcing all of the previous info; a ref to the novel is missing.
    • does that work? —Unsigned comment by BloodOfIrizi (talk • contribs)
      • Do you really need both of them? Is there not a single source that supports both of those pieces of information? JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 03:05, 19 May 2022 (UTC)
        • there was already a ref for Thrawn Ascendancy: Chaos Rising after the mention of the Nikardun Destiny, i assumed you wanted another one?also; that first part is from Chaos Rising, but the ship was identified as a light cruiser in Lesser Evil, hence the ref note after the mention of that. BloodOfIrizi (talk) 17:18, 19 May 2022 (UTC)
          • You misunderstood; I didn't mean to remove both refs, I was wondering if you could remove one of them in favor of the other. If that cannot be done, both should still be there.
            • done
  • More context as to what happened at Primea and Thrawn's last stand needs to be added. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 19:13, 18 May 2022 (UTC)
    • done BloodOfIrizi (talk) 18:38, 19 May 2022 (UTC)
      • Okay, should be good for last stand; for Primea, the context on Yiv's conquest is good, but it's still unclear why Primea specifically is happening (or, for that matter, what "Primea" even refers to - a planet? A city?)
  • Please add a location for Thrawn's last stand, if available.
  • The bit about the bird should be part of the IU body.
  • Review note: please note formatting and other errors in this copy-edit. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 18:49, 20 May 2022 (UTC)
    • i see, will make sure to follow in the future BloodOfIrizi (talk) 00:46, 21 May 2022 (UTC)
  • The intro should not be just the first paragraph of the History split up. Please put that paragraph back in the History section and write a new intro paragraph that summarizes all of the ship's history.
  • Please move info about the ship's description to a "Description" section per WP:LG/IU#Starship and vehicle class articles. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 23:12, 22 May 2022 (UTC)
Silver
  • The ship shares its name with a creature known to the Chiss. Not only should this be mentioned in the article itself, but it should also be checked whether or not the ship is actually named after the bird. Also, the NP dictates that regardless, this article should be at Whisperbird (light cruiser) and the creature be at Whisperbird, because species take precedence over starships. SilverSunbird (talk) 21:04, 17 May 2022 (UTC)

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