Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Unidentified Dark Jedi (Force drain)

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified Dark Jedi (Force drain)

• Nominated by: —Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 04:04, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: When did Gene Simmons become a Dark Jedi?

(3 ECs/0 Users/3 Total)

Support

1. Assuming Bob's satisfied. Winterz (talk) 22:12, April 1, 2013 (UTC)
2. ~Savage 13:34, April 6, 2013 (UTC)
3. Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 17:25, April 6, 2013 (UTC)

Object

1. Bob
   • Indicate that "At the time of his attack" or whatever for his clothing, since he presumably changed clothes from time to time.
   • The article is ambiguous in its use of pronouns, since it's difficult to tell at times whether we're talking about the Dark Jedi or the victim of his attack.
   • The first sentence is somewhat clunky (and missing an a). Can you recast it? Maybe, "By some point before the end of the Galactic Civil War, a humanoid male Force-sensitive had fallen to the dark side and become a Dark Jedi. During that conflict, he attacked..." (I don't think you need to indicate the factions in the GCW as you've been doing in each of these noms, though it's fine to do so if you wish. :))
   • The individual being drained is clearly a Human male. Indicate that? ~Savage 11:41, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
     • Please take a look, I reworked it a bit.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 15:33, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
   • Can you fix the n-dashes? N-dashes should only be used when you have two words being connected that have equal weight. An example would be the Corellian–Coruscant Treaty or something like that. In most compound adjectives, a simple dash - is fine, and I think all of the words in this nom fit that bill.
   • I agree with Winterz about release dates for this and all your other TCG noms. ~Savage 11:24, April 1, 2013 (UTC)
     • Both done.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 17:37, April 1, 2013 (UTC)
   • Do one more pass for pronouns: I see at least one he that has an unclear antecedent. ~Savage 11:20, April 5, 2013 (UTC)
     • Done.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 16:02, April 5, 2013 (UTC)

1. Winterz
   • You should give the cards expansion a release year. Winterz (talk) 17:20, March 31, 2013 (UTC)
     • I honestly don't see the point, since the release date has nothing to do with the character himself, but done.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 17:37, April 1, 2013 (UTC)
       • The point is for the reader to know how old/recent the subject is ;). Winterz (talk) 22:12, April 1, 2013 (UTC)

Comments