Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Talvee Chawin

< Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Talvee Chawin

  • Nominated by: Alectricity (talk) 17:19, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(0 ECs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Tommy!
  • Preliminary objections: You have intro-exclusive information.
    • Done. Alectricity (talk) 18:33, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
      • No you haven't. There is still information in the intro that isn't in the main article body, for example, level 1313. Also, you don't need an introduction section in the body, as the introduction is the text at the top, before the table of contents. I recommend you look over the Layout Guide to find out how to lay out a character article. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:41, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
        • NOW it's done. Alectricity (talk) 19:00, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
          • Sorry but no it isn't. In the into you say "male Iktotchi crime lord" "on the planet Coruscant," all of which needs to be in the body. Also, even if you link something in the intro, it still needs to be linked once in the body. Additionally, the intro doesn't have to be sourced, as it should only have info repeated from the article body. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 19:04, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
  • Please split up some of the biography sentences, they run on a bit.
  • The BTS needs to be fully referenced, and written in the past present tense. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 17:49, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. Alectricity (talk) 18:27, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
    • Sorry, to explain, "which was set" should be in the present tense, as the book is still set in that time now. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:03, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
  • Looking at Aftermath, there is a lot more information to include in this article, as there is a full dialogue between Chawin and Jak. Please expand.
    • Done.Alectricity (talk) 20:02, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
      • No you haven't. There are about 3 pages on information on this guy, while this article only has a 6 sentence biography. See something like this to see the level of detail expected for minor characters. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 17:16, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
  • Please add some quotes.
    • I did.Alectricity (talk) 20:02, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
      • I think there are enough for all sections (except BTS). Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 17:16, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
        • Can you get me some? Alectricity (talk) 20:08, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
          • You... do have Aftermath, right? Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 20:17, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
            • I did. I borrowed it from the library. Alectricity (talk) 20:25, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
              • So why can’t you find the quotes yourself? This is your nomination. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 20:28, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
  • "Chawin was nicknamed "the Thorn" since one of his horns was broken while the other looped around his chin and then jutted outward.[1]" Jak only says this may have been where he got his nickname from, another being that he is a thorn in the Empire's side. Please correct.
    • Done. Alectricity (talk) 19:04, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
      • The current way you've phrased it sounds quite speculative. I think it'd be better to say "Jak theorised that Chawin's nickname was either because of…" Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 19:07, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
  • Chawin displays a personality in the book, so please expand the Personality and traits section. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:41, June 1, 2018 (UTC)
  • "He was a male Iktotchi crime lord from the planet Coruscant." should be at the start of the biography. And I think "operating on coruscant" would be better.
  • "He is shown to be stubborn, demanding a price for the weapon he gave to Jay." needs to be first in the P&T section.
  • The main article body needs to be in the past tense. This means stuff like "Jay also theorizes" needs to be as "Jay also theorized."
  • You're missing some links: Galactic Empire, Coruscant Underworld.
  • Please state when the battle of Endor occurs. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 17:16, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
  • "He was a male Iktotchi crime lord operating on the planet Coruscant.[1]" why are you repeating this?
  • Links should be upon their first mention in the article body. See coruscant and any others. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 20:17, June 2, 2018 (UTC)
  • Please see Wookieepedia:Manual of Style#Quotations on how to format your quotes.
  • Please don't use "&" or "--". Instead use "and" and "—" respectively. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 08:08, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
  • This sort of goes with my expand objection, but this article needs context. Things like the Battle of Endor, Level 1313, Jak (who's article has a level of detail I expect to see here), Anklebiter Brigade, Galactic Empire and Rebel Alliance (especially their situation after the Emperor's death).
    • Looks fine. Alectricity (talk) 18:07, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
      • Oops, I think you forgot to save this edit to the article! Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:15, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
  • "These forces were fighting for control of CoCo Town against the Rebel Alliance." This makes it sound like the Anklebiter Brigade was fighting the rebels. Please restructure.
  • You should be able to find an image for some context. Maybe Level 1313? Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 17:35, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. Alectricity (talk) 18:02, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
      • Watch your image caption for punctuation and grammar. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:15, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
        • Fixed. Alectricity (talk) 18:42, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
          • No you haven't. If an image caption isn't a full sentence it doesn't get a full stop (period). And "Chawin's headquarters were located" doesn't make sense. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:48, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
  • "This all occured around the Battle of Endor[1] in 4 ABY.[2]" seems tacked on. Please add earlier in the biography.
  • Numbers in the article should be spelled out (so "five" not "5"). Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:15, June 3, 2018 (UTC)
  • Okay, the article is currently at 254 words, making it ineligible for CA status. And given that my context and expand objections will bring the word count higher, this needs to be a good article nomination. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:48, June 3, 2018 (UTC)

Comments