- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.
Stewjon
- Nominated by: Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 22:48, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: My first nom, could be interesting...
(0 ECs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
Object
- There's a flashback to Obi-Wan's homeworld in Jedi Apprentice: The Hidden Past, with some info. - Lord Hydronium 22:56, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Also, the main quote is OOU, so it should be in the BTS. - Lord Hydronium 22:57, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- These both have been addressed now. --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 23:53, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Bit of a discrepancy between the Appearances calling it a possible appearance, and the body text identifying it definitely as that world. Go one way or the other on that; also, either way the appearance should have {{Flash}}. And rather than "Obi-Wan may have visited", you can say it definitively with this. - Lord Hydronium 02:49, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- How about now? --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 03:14, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Looks good in that regard. The first paragraph of the BTS is kind of oddly phrased, though. The second sentence about "He had vague memories" sounds like an IU bit, and should be phrased so it's talking about the character Obi-Wan in the book. And "It can be assumed that this planet is Stewjon, though never originally intended to be so." is an odd construction, and not strictly true, I'd think; the JA planet is meant to be his homeworld, Stewjon was just a name given later. - Lord Hydronium 04:35, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Done --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 05:24, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Looks good in that regard. The first paragraph of the BTS is kind of oddly phrased, though. The second sentence about "He had vague memories" sounds like an IU bit, and should be phrased so it's talking about the character Obi-Wan in the book. And "It can be assumed that this planet is Stewjon, though never originally intended to be so." is an odd construction, and not strictly true, I'd think; the JA planet is meant to be his homeworld, Stewjon was just a name given later. - Lord Hydronium 04:35, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- How about now? --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 03:14, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Bit of a discrepancy between the Appearances calling it a possible appearance, and the body text identifying it definitely as that world. Go one way or the other on that; also, either way the appearance should have {{Flash}}. And rather than "Obi-Wan may have visited", you can say it definitively with this. - Lord Hydronium 02:49, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- These both have been addressed now. --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 23:53, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Also, the main quote is OOU, so it should be in the BTS. - Lord Hydronium 22:57, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- I'd like to see you rearrange this article somewhat. Please begin by saying it was a planet, and describing the terrain, then progress to mentioning it was home to the Kenobi family. Then, continue to say Obi-Wan was taken from there for training but that he returned later. My reasoning for this is to group general information about the planet first -- terrain, etc -- followed by information on its inhabitants. You could also provide a bit more context on Kenobi being taken for Jedi training. --Eyrezer 03:47, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Done --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 05:24, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Soresu
- he could recall certain memories such as playing with his brother in a green, grassy area, the smell of floral perfume, and coarse material that his mother used to wear. Avoid using two "and"s in a sentence. Also, that last bit doesn't make sense. Taken by itself: he could recall certain memories such as coarse material that his mother used to wear.
- Can it be proven that Humans were native and not just colonists?
- he visited them on occasion. Visited what? His family, or the memories?
- There's stuff in the infobox that needs to be mentioned in its own description section.
- Missing punctuation in bts quote.
- No sourcing required in intro, as everything in it should be mentioned somewhere in the body and sourced there.
- I know this isn't qualified for CAN, but you should make an attempt to resolve these issues, as the GAN process can be quite slow for noms with more than a handful of objections. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 23:22, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
- TK
- I know this article is no longer qualified for a CA, but I wanted to make a few observations that don't seem right.
- The BtS quote, Lucas mentions that Obi-Wan's origin "is one of the first things I wrote in the very first script". Later on in the BtS, it says Stewjon is a tuckerization of Mr. Stewart's name. To me, this sounds like Lucas created the name a long time ago, in the first script, prior to Lucas even knowing Stewart. It just sounds weird saying that it is a tuckerization of Stewart's name, if Lucas says he has the name picked out way back when. I may be over analyzing this, but I wanted to throw in my two cents :P TK-299 (Click Here)
09:17, August 18, 2010 (UTC) - Can the "it can be assumed that this is the actual canon name for the planet" be removed since Chee confirmed via twitter "that Stewjon will appear in future editions of The Essential Atlas and the Holocron"? Not sure if it can be removed or not though....TK-299 (Click Here) 09:17, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
- History section: Jedi Temple of Coruscant or.....Jedi Temple on Coruscant? That's all I got, hope this all makes sense. TK-299 (Click Here) 09:17, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
- This article has now passed the 250 word limit. Should/can I move this to Good Article Nominations or not? --Vandar Tokare42 (Talk to the hand) 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- I believe it is supposed to be taken to the GAN page now, as long as it meets all of the requirements. Once the article is over 250 words, it no longer qualifies as a CA. I did some reference work in the infobox and other areas on the page as well. TK-299 (Click Here)
10:34, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
- I believe it is supposed to be taken to the GAN page now, as long as it meets all of the requirements. Once the article is over 250 words, it no longer qualifies as a CA. I did some reference work in the infobox and other areas on the page as well. TK-299 (Click Here)