Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Ocpior

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ocpior

(3 ECs/1 Users/4 Total)

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Support

  1. Review my changes, please. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 12:55, 9 August 2022 (UTC)
  2. ECvote Just check you're happy with the wording in my edit :) Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 11:09, 16 August 2022 (UTC)
  3. ECvote Braha'tok enthusiast Hello there 09:37, 18 August 2022 (UTC)
  4. ECvote JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 21:12, 19 August 2022 (UTC)

Object

Samonic
  • The quote is incomplete, here is the full quote: "Pirates disengaging, […] Spinning up their hyperdrives.” Additionally, if a quote ends in a comma, it must be replaced with a period.
    • will make note of it
  • The part about Ocpior being an officer is unnecessary, just say "was a Chiss Senior Commander"
    • removed
  • "of Senior Commander aboard the Patrol cruiser Parala " Did Ocpior hold the military rank exclusively aboard the Parala? That sentence should be corrected.
    • reworded, hows that
  • There was only one sensor station aboard the Parala which Ocpior operated (Ocpior snapped from the sensor station).
    • fixed
  • The attack and patrol cruiser should not be capitalized.
    • fixed
  • Context for Stivic, Garwian Unity,
    • stivic is not linked in the body. Garwian unity has appropritae context - two nations that resided in the Unknown Regions—the Garwian Unity...
      • Not having a link does not matter, context is still required. (You can change it to "the pirate attack at Stivic," -> "a pirate attack at the planet Stivic" Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 15:51, 5 August 2022 (UTC)
  • The Stivic incident should be linked in its first mention in the date note.
    • Fixed
  • You should say that only one Lioaoi ship escaped. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 07:55, 3 August 2022 (UTC)
  • Date note: The events of Chaos Rising take place around 19 BBY, not in 19 BBY.
  • "Ocpior was a Chiss Senior Commander member of the Chiss Droc family who served aboard the patrol cruiser Parala in the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet—the navy of the the Chiss species' nation, the Chiss Ascendancy." You can shorten this to something like "Senior Commander Ocpior was a member of the Chiss species and the Chiss Ascendancy nation's Droc family who served aboard the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet patrol cruiser Parala." (First version reads a bit weird) Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 12:52, 7 August 2022 (UTC)
    • reworded, split into 2 sentences. rest are done BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 16:14, 7 August 2022 (UTC)
Bracpior
  • For the date note, can you specify what depicts the "Stivic incident" so that we know where that new information is coming from? Braha'tok enthusiast Hello there 18:26, 10 August 2022 (UTC)
    • reworded to 'Pirate attack at Stivic', does that work? BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 23:06, 12 August 2022 (UTC)
Macaroni
Manoof
  • If I understand the date ref, the attack happened a year before X that happened a few years before 19 BBY, essentially a few years +1. If that's the case, you can drop some of the extra information if it doesn't contribute to the logic of "several years before 19 BBY, namely the "last year" bit. If I misunderstood then the ref needs to be further clarified Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 11:59, 14 August 2022 (UTC)
    • its actually a few years -1. so chronologically, Kinoss > Stivic > 19 BBY. cleaned up BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 23:55, 14 August 2022 (UTC)
      • Thanks for clarifying on Discord :) Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 11:09, 16 August 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 21:12, 19 August 2022 (UTC)