- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Nelsel
- Nominated by: AmazinglyCool
(talk) 12:06, 16 August 2021 (UTC) - Nomination comments:
- WookieeProject (optional): WP:FFGAMES
(3 ECs/3 Users/6 Total)
(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)
Support
- LucaRoR (Talk) 17:05, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 18:30, 23 August 2021 (UTC)- Commander Code-8 Hello There! 02:01, 25 August 2021 (UTC)
- Liverpool92
20:33, 25 August 2021 (UTC) - Immi Thrax (talk) 16:27, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- OOM 224 17:04, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
Object
Luca
For the "In 19 BBY" sentence, you should either wright: "Before 19 BBY" or you should change the reference.- I fixed it to match what was on my previous nom, Arzo Suun. AmazinglyCool (talk) 15:55, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- I fixed it to match what was on my previous nom, Arzo Suun. AmazinglyCool
Was she Force-sensitive? It's worth to say it. Otherwise: how could she feel the Nightbrothers presence with the Force?- All Nightsisters are force-sensitive. So saying she's a Nightsister should be enough. AmazinglyCool (talk) 15:53, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- Fair enough, if it isn't too fussy, you could write something like: "like all Nightsisters, she was Force-sensitive". If you think it is too much then ignore this objection. LucaRoR (Talk) 16:04, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- I went on ahead and added it. AmazinglyCool (talk) 16:59, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- I went on ahead and added it. AmazinglyCool
- Fair enough, if it isn't too fussy, you could write something like: "like all Nightsisters, she was Force-sensitive". If you think it is too much then ignore this objection. LucaRoR (Talk) 16:04, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- All Nightsisters are force-sensitive. So saying she's a Nightsister should be enough. AmazinglyCool
Context for Dathomir? "the planet" should do it. (Remember to reference it to a new reference if Collapse of the Republic doesn't sate that it is a planet.LucaRoR (Talk) 15:47, 16 August 2021 (UTC)- Added. AmazinglyCool (talk) 15:56, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- So can the fact that it is a planet be sourced to Collapse of the Republic? LucaRoR (Talk) 16:04, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- Yes, Dathomir is one of the planets the book has a section on. AmazinglyCool (talk) 16:56, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- Yes, Dathomir is one of the planets the book has a section on. AmazinglyCool
- So can the fact that it is a planet be sourced to Collapse of the Republic? LucaRoR (Talk) 16:04, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- Added. AmazinglyCool
Make sure you're ok with this copy-edit.LucaRoR (Talk) 17:05, 16 August 2021 (UTC)- It looks fine. AmazinglyCool (talk) 17:55, 16 August 2021 (UTC)
- It looks fine. AmazinglyCool
CC-8
The second sentence should be split up.Commander Code-8 Hello There! 02:41, 23 August 2021 (UTC)- I split it up. 03:50, 23 August 2021 (UTC)
"Couple other" is not encyclopedic writing.Commander Code-8 Hello There! 03:22, 24 August 2021 (UTC)- Fixed wording. AmazinglyCool (talk) 22:42, 24 August 2021 (UTC)
- Fixed wording. AmazinglyCool
OOM
I'd like to see this article's wording a lot more varied than Mak Eak's. Currently, they're nearly-identical copies of each other, which isn't good.OOM 224 20:28, 23 August 2021 (UTC)- Added variation.. AmazinglyCool (talk) 22:42, 24 August 2021 (UTC)
- That's not enough. Think sentence structure, placement of context, possessives... all the different things that can be done to reconstruct a piece of text without altering its meaning. OOM 224 17:54, 25 August 2021 (UTC)
- Added some more variation. AmazinglyCool (talk) 23:43, 28 August 2021 (UTC)
- Added some more variation. AmazinglyCool
- That's not enough. Think sentence structure, placement of context, possessives... all the different things that can be done to reconstruct a piece of text without altering its meaning. OOM 224 17:54, 25 August 2021 (UTC)
- Added variation.. AmazinglyCool
Immi Thrax
Although you've addressed the second sentence before, it's still very confusing. I suggest this rewording or your own choice of rewording (including the refs of course): "Prior to the Second Battle of Dathomir of 19 BBY, Arzo Suun, a former member of a warrior group called the Nightbrothers, hired fellow Nightbrothers Ruul and Mak Eak to steal supplies from a warehouse-like building located in the mountaintop Nightbrother village."Immi Thrax (talk) 11:27, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- Reworded. AmazinglyCool (talk) 12:47, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- Reworded. AmazinglyCool
The paragraph structure has a problem with the flow of ideas. Right now, the first sentence is about Nelsel, then the second sentence is about the Nightbrothers. It then breaks to a second paragraph that continues the thought from the second sentence, but closes with a detail about Nelsel's equipment without tying it in to the event described. It may help to shuffle the order: first paragraph describing who Nelsel is, second paragraph about the event she was involved with.Immi Thrax (talk) 13:36, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- Moved the structure around. AmazinglyCool (talk) 16:23, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- Great! Immi Thrax (talk) 16:27, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- Great! Immi Thrax
- Moved the structure around. AmazinglyCool
Comments
- Reviewing note: Does the book give any indication of why Nightsisters were at a Nightbrother warehouse in a Nightbrother village? Immi Thrax (talk) 11:27, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- I reworded it to add more context. AmazinglyCool (talk) 12:47, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- That helps, thank you! Immi Thrax (talk) 13:36, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- That helps, thank you! Immi Thrax
- I reworded it to add more context. AmazinglyCool
Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 17:04, 31 August 2021 (UTC)