Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Doghouse

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Doghouse

• Nominated by: Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 03:17, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments:Back to Deceived! :))

(3 ECs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

1. Good.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 15:51, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
2. Nicely done. ~Savage 20:51, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
3. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 19:31, August 5, 2011 (UTC)

Object

1. Trayus
   • I know that Korr explicitly speculates that the hijackers are either pirates or mercenaries, but in the article it sounds very speculative: "But some other people, either pirates or mercenaries". It would appear far more encyclopedic to state that "A rival group of criminals, speculated by Korr to be either pirates or hired mercenaries, were there instead..."
     • How's that?
   • Also, when you say "there instead" it leaves room for confusion. Where were they? Somewhere on Ord Mantell, or specifically in or at the Doghouse? It would be best to specify that they had taken control of the ship at the drop off point.
     • Changed. Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 17:29, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
   • You should provide a bit more context on the altercation at the landing pad, i.e., how Korr discovered that they did not work for Arigo, and how he got away. Nothing too in-depth, but a bit more explanation will definitely help.
     • How's that? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 17:21, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
   • Not bad, otherwise. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 17:11, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
2. Bob
   • Context on the Exchange.
     • Fixed.
   • Did Arigo use the freighter only once? The current wording implies that. If not, change "used by" to "in use by" or "being used by" to imply that this is not a one-off event.
     • Changed.
   • Species IDs for Arigo and Korr wouldn't hurt; if they were aliens, we'd almost certainly ID their species.
     • Fixed.
   • The altercation between them all probably needs an article: Skirmish at blah blah or whatever.
     • Got it.
   • The way things are written seems to be from Korr's point of view, but this article is about the ship. Try to rewrite most of the body chronologically from the POV of the ship: ship lands, pirate guys take it over, Korr comes up unsuspecting, etc. As it stands, the article is kind of confusing and hard to follow. ~Savage 13:56, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
     • I have to agree with Bob on this—I've noticed that trend on a couple of your articles. Always remember that you should follow the chronology of the subject, and not necessarily the POV of the book. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 17:24, July 21, 2011 (UTC)
       • Is that any better? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 17:43, July 21, 2011 (UTC)