Talk: Master Jonathan/Archive5

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I'm back…

Could you please copy-edit and review Sha Koon? Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:22, November 21, 2009 (UTC)

  • After objections are taken care of, a final word count would also be appreciated.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:19, November 22, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit done. It looks mostly good to me with only one small problem:

  • From the P&A: "During Order 66, Koon felt her uncle's death and temporarily slipped into unconsciousness." This is the first time in the body that you explicitly reference Order 66, so the reader may not know what it is. Please explicitly reference it in the biography to avoid this possible confusion.

Otherwise, great job at 1,848 words. Let me know if you have any questions. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:16, November 22, 2009 (UTC)

Gira

Could you please to a copy-edit, review, and word count for Gira? I counted about 732 words, so I'll be able to nom it for the GA's most likely.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:20, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit done. Objections:

  • Intro: "The Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader eventually located Gira and the Padawans' location at a facility." Three problems here:
    • The root word "locate" is repetitive.
    • What Padawans are we talking about? This is the first mention of Padawans in the intro.
    • Context needed on the "facility".
      • Alright, I had to make a few changes after re-reading at Gira's entry in the CSWE. He was on a starship, which was captured by Vader. Also changed all instances of "base" to "ship".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:33, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  • Bio: "Eventually, the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader located Gira and the Padawans' location at a military base." Again, the root "locate" is repetitive. Also, see if you can vary the wording a little more, as right now it is nearly identical to the statement from the intro above.
  • Throughout the entire article, you use the name "Gira" way too much. I realize he is the subject of the article, but please use some pronouns and other alternatives (e.g. "the Jedi Knight").

Let me know when you've taken care of these or if you have any questions. I'll do a word count once the objections are addressed. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:08, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Alexem

Whoops -- sorry about that. I think in edit mode I noticed you hand linked "Squib" and "village" twice, but I failed to notice that the first links were in the lead, not the body. My mistake! ~ SavageBob 00:35, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit

Hello again. I have another one for ya. I understand that it's quite long, so take your time. And thanks in advance. QuiGonJinn 20px(Talk)

Jin-Lo Rayce

Could I please have a copy-edit, objections and a word-count? Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:27, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit done. I have only one objection, which is actually more of a question:
  • Are you sure there are no quotes? I realize that the bulk of the article is from an OOU sourcebook, but Star Wars Purge: Seconds to Die might have a quote regarding him sharing the Temple's secret passageways with Sha Koon.
    • I'll try to find one, but if I can remember correctly, Koon mentions him in passing, and it really isn't that good of a quote.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:00, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
      • OK, these are the only quotes available in "Seconds to Die"
        • Unfortuantely, as I understand it, if there are any quotes at all, they must be used. I would suggest using the Jocasta quote as the lead quote, since it's a more generic quote; the other one could be used for either the bio or possibly the P&T. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:35, December 23, 2009 (UTC)

"I must see what my own Padawan, Jin-Lo Rayce, is doing. Lost in the archives or exploring the secret passageways, no doubt."—Jocasta Nu

"Master Nu knew these secrets. She shared them only with her Padawans. Her current—her last—Padawan liked me and shared what he knew. I hope he survived. But why should he? The Jedi have failed. We are destroyed."—Sha Koon

Otherwise looks good at 863 words. Let me know if you have any questions. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:36, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Ferroh

Could you please do a copy-edit, provide objections, and a word count for the article? Thanks. Also, it's really had to work on the P&T of a character like this, just you average Jedi who barely contributes to his personality. Plus, in the BTS, there is a math error, but I can't say that without it being considered OR, I don't think.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:23, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Copyedit complete. Objections and notes:

  • Source for the "Reunion on Wor Tandell" quote?
  • "Miller said that the more specific date that appears in the campaign guide, 3,973 BBY, is the correct one.": He actually said that it is only "probably" the correct one, which is a big difference, please reword.
  • According to Wookieepedia:Attribution#What is not original research?, your own math calculations are not OR as long as they are based on canonical information. Therefore, I recommend a brief explanation of the error in the BTS.
  • 1,758 1,759 1,779 words currently.
  • Let me know if you have any questions. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:43, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Printing articles

Thanks! It worked! Well anyway, God bless! Master Fredcerique 13:41, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Jorak Uln

Could you do a copy-edit, a review, and word-count for his article? Also, I know I need to get quotes. I'll have them shortly.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:17, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Copyedit complete. Objections and notes:

  • "Eventually, Uln grew mentally unstable and was driven out of the Academy by Uln, who usurped his position as the Academy's Headmaster.": One of these "Uln"s is incorrect, please fix.
    • Taken care of. Had to add a few words due to the dialogue, plus swapped a paragraph between the P&T and P&A.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:51, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • Otherwise looks good to go for FAN at 1,106 words. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:00, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Request

Hey Jon,

Can you copyedit Lumiya's lightwhip for me please? Same terms as usual. Thanks in advance, a Happy New Year.—Tommy9281 17px (No truth in me) 03:51, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Jastus Farr

Could I get a copy-edit, objections, and a word-count for the article. I have a feeling it'll be enough for the GA's.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:46, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

Request

Hey Jon,

Thanks for completing the last request. I have another one for you, when you have time. Same terms, and thanks in advance.—Tommy9281 17px (Mechno-chair) 05:32, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Another one

Hey MJ,

Can you go over Darth Vectivus for me please? Same terms as usual, thanks in advance.—Tommy9281 17px (Mechno-chair) 04:51, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

More requests

Hey, MJ. Guess what, I have more articles for you to copyedit :P The targets are Kul Teska and the recently updated Rianna Saren. Thanks in advance. QuiGonJinn 20px(Talk) 20:12, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Yet another request…

Could you please do a copy-edit, and give review and objections to Koffi Arana? I realize it needs more images. Thanks.---Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:07, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Done. Objections and notes:

  • "He secretly met with Jedi Masters Tsui Choi, Roblio Darté, Ma'kis'shaalas, Shadday Potkin, and Jedi Knights Bultar Swan and Sia-Lan Wezz in an abandoned spice mine." This shows seven Jedi, but I'm pretty sure from reading other sources that there were eight. Also, you mention a Master Farr later. Please correct.
  • Is there a reason you use {{Cite web}} instead of {{SW}} for ref 7?
  • The second paragraph of the intro has two sentences that start with "however"; see if you can reword one.
  • I did a word count, but then I got distracted and forgot the exact number, and I don't feel like doing it again. :P I do remember that it was in the 1300s, so you'll be good for FAN. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 16:18, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • I think I fixed all of them. Thanks again, Jon.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:11, January 28, 2010 (UTC)

Lightsaber TC

Just letting you know, based on discussion, that I've added a third voting option of "Delete All" which may have been originally what you intended to be voting for all along. Just letting you know in case you wanted to rethink your vote. - JMAS 20px Hey, it's me! 21:18, January 28, 2010 (UTC)

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday lil homie! We gotta get you to a strip club, lol.—Tommy 9281 17px (Mechno-chair) 00:12, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

Insider

Hey Jonathan—not to interrupt your birthday events (happy birthday by the way), but if you have Insiders 113 and 115 handy, could you reiterate any info on Pre Vizsla that's in there? Much appreciated, and thanks in advance. CC7567 (talk) 18:54, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

  • SWInsider "Count Dooku" — Star Wars Insider 113 — "[Dooku] enlisted the likes of Lok Durd and Pre Vizsla of Death Watch to fight for the Separatist cause."
  • SWInsider "Ready for Battle" — Star Wars Insider 115 —
    Insider: "How did you come to cast Jon Favreau as Pre Vizsla?"
    Dave Filoni: "Jon was working on Iron Man and it came to my attention that he was a Star Wars fan. He was at Skywalker Ranch with his family and was curious about what we were doing. He let me see some of Iron Man and he got to check out our show! It was a lot of fun. He mentioned off-hand that he would be interested in voicing a character for us and it just so happened that I had a character that wasn't cast. I thought it would be a really cool thing for Jon, and fun for fans if he did the part.
           "And he did a great job of playing Pre Vizsla; he's the one guy that, in this whole Mandalorian world, is the defender of the historic Mandalorian past. He's the one character who knows what the Mandalorians were and what they should be, and wants to get them back to that reality. He's a great character and I think that he'll become a favorite of many fans."
    Insider: "Where does the name Pre Vizsla come from?"
    Dave Filoni: " 'Pre' is kind of a title, one of some stature, like 'pre-eminent.' But 'Vizsla' actually comes from a character that was in the comic books. Vizsla was the leader of the Death Watch movement. Of the things that existed in the EU world, Vizsla and the Death Watch were two things that George kept and wanted to work with in The Clone Wars, so we have those elements in our show. It also sounds like 'pre-vis'—the process by which we shoot a pre-production rough of the show, so it's also an inside joke."
  • There you go. Let me know if you have any more questions. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:32, January 29, 2010 (UTC) P.S. Thanks for the "happy birthday"!

Jenny (Artorias)

GA-Icon
"So—are you still worried about being sent to the Agricultural Corps?"
Jenny (Artorias) has been approved by the AgriCorps and awarded Good status. Feel free to add the {{User GA}} template to your userpage to acknowledge your hard work. The AgriCorps thanks you for your efforts, and looks forward to future nominations from you! — CC7567 (talk) 00:42, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Request

My friend,

If you could please copy-edit Xash and Sindra when you have time, it would be greatly appreciated. Same terms as usual, thanks in advance.—Tommy 9281 17px (Mechno-chair) 03:08, February 5, 2010 (UTC)