Out of boredom...
What can I say? I was bored, so I decided to take a look at the article. Since you're apparently planning to eventually nominate it for a GA, I'd thought I'd help out and give some pointers now, rather than doing long-winded objections during the GAN process. Summary of my objections: the article is simply too descriptive. Only information that directly relates to the group should be included.
- The description should be a summary of the events; it's too descriptive.
- Agreed. I think "Recruitment" and "Entering the Senate" are fine, but everything else needs to be pared down. —Lucius malfoy7 20px (Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!) 00:20, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
- The article is too descriptive for an article on the actual group. If any more information is added, it might as well just replace Raid on Ziro's Palace and Senate hostage crisis.
- A short paragraph on the events of Ziro's captured (and why he was captured) will do. Unless the Jedi Council, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano, Gunray, C-3PO, Ventress, and such were directly related to the posse, there's no use in mentioning them.
- I'm noticing that the part about the raid on the Senate is equal to, if not more than, the length of the raid's actual article. While the group was a side of the raid, please see if you can cut down the detail. If need be, simply copy content from the hostage crisis article and modify it to reflect on the posse's perspective.
- Because of the excessive detail, the article is too subsectioned.
- Mentioning the Battle of Christophsis and the Battle of Ryloth and such: while it may contribute more to chronology, it's unneeded.
- I recommend not using the world "then" unless necessary. It gives a sense of exaggerated chronology rather than letting events flow.
- Including the names of the captured senators: unless the senators had a direct affect on the group, it's unnecessary. If the reader wishes to find this out, he/she can go to the hostage crisis article.
- There are some errors in linking.
- "Tentative hopefuls": POV-oriented, and requires a source if it's fact.
- Even though it's mentioned, Count Dooku isn't directly confirmed to be the one who employed Bane to rescue Ziro.
