Myths and facts about attachment
“Attachment” is a sticky word. An attachment, in its literal meaning, is a tie or fastening. Figuratively, it connotes a feeling that you like or love someone or something and that you would be unhappy without them. In the 2020s, it become quite popular to assert, “attachment”, as it is used in colloquial speech, was proven to be the basis of our normal emotional and social development by modern psychology. However, this is very far from reality - the central concepts of attachment theory are fairly easy to understood, professionals of the field of attachment researchers are warning us not to be too eager to equate them with everyday conceptions of social relationships.
In attachment theory, “attachment” has a specific meaning: it is an emotional bond or tie between an individual and another, based on the need for safety, security and protection. An attachment relationship is said to exist when one preferentially seeks out and maintains proximity to a specific person and protests separation from that individual, uses that person as a safe haven during times of distress and uses the person as a secure base from which to explore the world, and the relationship is emotionally significant. In the context of attachment theory, a “securely attached” child see their caregiver as a secure heaven to retreat for safety and protection in times of threat and danger, and a safe basefrom which to explore the world, learn new skills, face challenges in life.
The goal of our attachments in our adulthood is the same: it’s to experience a sense of security and stability through establishing and maintaining high-quality, emotionally supportive relationships. In the context of psychology, the lack of attachments means lacking discriminated and preferential intimate relationships with persons who might serve as safe base and secure heaven. In the same time, attachment is not the same as, nor it is synonymous with “love”, “affection”, “bond”, “relationship”, nor does it serving as an overall descriptor for close human relationships.For example, a baby is “attached” to their parent, but the parent’s “attachment” to the baby would be pathological and leave the child with severe psychological damage, deprived from feelings of safety and stability. Contrary to the popular belief, a “parent’s attachment to their child” would not mean cuddling and kissing and loving and caring, but would mean the parent relying on the baby for care, security and protection. In adult relationships, “attachment” won’t ensure that sex, attraction and love would exist, as those can split among different relationships. It should be also noted that an “attachment relationship” does not need to, and in certain contexts must not be reciprocal, and most activities children may have with “attachment figures” (e.g. playing or singing etc.) are not related to “attachment” at all.
The “attachments” of a Jedi Knight
The idea that a Jedi Knight is prohibited to have discriminated and preferential intimate relationships with persons who might serve as safe base and secure heaven, deprived from satisfying their basic human need for safety, security and protection, is based on the false belief that the “attachment” Western psychology views as a basis for healthy emotional and social development would cover the whole, board meaning of the term that it carries in colloquial speech. It’s not surprising that this reading of the story fails to gather evidence from the actual Star Wars story to support itself: the Jedi are depicted in a way which is actually consistent with what is expected from an attachment-secure person. In truth, in George Lucas’ Star Wars, encompassed by the six movies and the six seasons of the Clone Wars series, the Jedi are consistently and explicitly depicted as safe base and secure heaven, required by Western attachment theory, to each other and their apprentices.
Although Jedi younglings are taken from their birth families very early, “they learn quickly that their true family is now the Jedi Order”, and sometimes, just like in the case of Tiplee and Tiplar, they are truly related by blood. Whenever a padawan describes their relationship with their master, they explain, they are/were like a parent to them. In Episode I, Obi-Wan Kenobi clearly shared a bond with Qui-Gon Jinn defined by trust, warmth and providing mutual comfort and care. In Episode II, Anakin Skywalker says, Obi-Wan Kenobi is “the closest thing to a father” or “like a father” to him. Although he keeps his marriage to Padmé Amidala in secret, he is comfortable to talk to him about his feelings for her openly, just like he talks about his nightmares with him, and the two were shown, and intended to be seen by George Lucas to have a “warm friendship”. In Clone Wars, Aayala Secura also described her relationship with her master as “he was like a father to me.”Ahsoka has an especially strong bond with Plo Koon, before and after she become Anakin’s padawan. Shaak Tii compares the Jedi Order to the brotherhood of the clones, “where the group and the individual are the same.” All these close relationships are showing that the Jedi were indeed forming the discriminated, preferential intimate relationships, involving receiving and giving love, affection, comfort, protection. Jedi Masters are indeed fulfilling the roles of “attachment figures”; individuals who’re perceived to be stronger and wiser and to whom once can turn for support, protection and care.
“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden.”
The kind of “attachment” Jedi Knights forbade, is defined in George Lucas’ Star Wars story. In Episode II and III, attachment, as a form of love, is mentioned together with possession, and it’s contrasted with compassion, defined as unconditional love. It’s said, it’s the shadow of greed, leading to jealousy, and when one formed an attachment, it means, they are holding on to something or someone, and they’re afraid to lose it. Attachment should be broken by letting go of what they fear to lose and accepting death as natural part of life.
Therefore, “attachment” is defined in accordance with the colloquial usage of the word: the feeling of you love/like something/someone, and that you would be unhappy without them. It’s not hard to see that this feeling is locked together with the desire to keep them in your life, generating fear of the loss of the objects of attachment. It should be understood that by definition, attachment is ceased once one no longer wants these things and people to stay with them, or in other words, no longer desires them to stay as they are, not go away and not to change, so he will supplied with happiness. Letting go is essential - as Shmi tried to teach Anakin, “you can’t stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.” In other words, the Jedi way helps individuals achieve a more stable form of happiness, through revealing the impermanent nature of sensory experiences and helping individuals to accept the threat of impermanence and let go of attachment to their external sources of security.
“Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life.”
“Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life” as Anakin explains to Padmé. Compassion is most often defined as sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it - showing kindness and warmth and being willing to help others is showing compassion. It’s important to realize, wanting another person to be free from suffering and wanting another person to be happy, is essentially the two sides of the same coin - thus, it shall be clear why Anakin Skywalker defined compassion as “unconditional love.”
When there is a genuine care for others’ well-being and happiness, our hearts become warm, open and connected to others, and we ourselves feel a sense of genuine well-being. This is the mental joy that arises out of compassion - it’s able to sustain itself, therefore, unlike sensory experiences and transient objects, it’s everlasting. Thus, “attachment”, as it’s used in colloquial language, is “forbidden” and “must not be formed”, so the Jedi Knight will be free from all the grasping and clinging attitudes, inherent to attachment. In the same time, the Jedi way highlights giving and receiving unconditional love, warmth, affection and support. As George Lucas himself said: “A Jedi is never lonely. They live on compassion. They live on helping people, and people love them. They can love people back. But when that person dies, they let go. Those that cannot let go become miserable. That’s the lonely place.”
In Conclusion
Although at first glance, “attachment is forbidden” and “a Jedi must not form attachments” are seeming to be contradictory to Western psychology, it should be clear that the Jedi way, as it was presented in George Lucas’ Star Wars story, isn’t just consistent with but also complementary to modern Western psychology. Jedi Knights are forming discriminated, preferential intimate and supportive social relationships, which involves receiving and giving love, labeled as “attachments” in Western psychology. In the same time, it offers a road to security by minimizing tendencies to look for security in something permanent in a world in which everything changes, nothing is completely stable, certain, or immutable.
