There is something intrinsic in our nature about wanting to be seen, isn't there? It can be the difference in a good or bad day if someone goes out of their way to brighten it up, even if small. Even if superficially, we feel cared about and reaffirmed. Knowing that someone didn't have to do something, but did it anyways is one of the things that make us so interesting as humans. As a species, we are at complete liberty with what we do with our lives, and what we make of them, though some will always take it upon themselves to hinder that, whether good or bad. What each person does with their most valuable resource, time, is unable to hide their identity when completely revealed. "Why do you do what you do," though rephraseable, is one of the only ways we can understand human nature. How else would you be able to conclude without looking at what someone did? There is an endless amount of our history that we document, perhaps for the very reason of self reflection. Have you ever looked at a war or past period without giving your stamp of approval or disapproval? World War II: bad, dude made a sustainable light blub: good. Even if it is more complicated than good or bad, we are either impressed or disgusted, inspired or repulsed. It is no wonder that the bad often takes the priority over the good in textbooks, because the bad is already there, and the good, harder to find. At least this war stopped, at least it ended, at least the "good guys" won in the end, and yet, with all the ink splattered on the once white canvas, our canvas, we still want to be seen, and not just noted, but liked as well. None of us have a good reason to be liked, if anything we have a bad reason. Even if it is a complete stranger, we are outraged and confused when someone is mean to us or doesn't value us the way we do, ourselves. We find it unjust, especially when the person doesn't know us. "As if they have the right," we could say, as if that would sway their opinion or justify it better. If anything, we should find it outrageous that anyone would enjoy us, and yet, it is still difficult to accept being disliked, no matter what you've done, because, somehow, you always think of yourself as worthy of their joy in your very presence; its even harder when you like the person, and they don't share your enthusiasm. It can be devastating depending on how much you enjoy the human, because they can be so worthy of that love, but when they don't see you the same, it is a rejection of, at times, your sincerity, counting it as worthless despite how much it means to you. That is why people are reduced to slums after a break up, and, just a side note, but that is how God feels when we don't love him back, since He even sacrificed His child to have a relationship with us. Picking back up, it is why it feels like the warm sun after a cold night when the person shares your joy of them, lol. Aaaaah... we are so weird...

Ya so stories, am I right? As if we didn't have enough trouble in the real stories in our past to keep us company. "Let's make us, some real tragedies with death and war!" we said. I've found it weird that I look to Star Wars and other stories to find a lot of these things, because, they aren't real, never were, and yet, I have treated it as such, extrapolating on character's relationships, emotions and motives to explain each better. As if I know what the author really intended, not to mention my personality interfering with impartiality. Art is often how I cope when I'm feeling something. I will try to find a song that matches the emotion to let it out in some way, and the same sentiment applies to stories, and the story I happen to be thinking of is the one I can never stay away from for too long.

I don't know if you remember or heard me say it to begin with, but, whenever I made a Monday Morning Coffee and reported on a Darth Vader comic, I would always say that I looked forward to reading them one day, and, I was just recently able to through an online website: readallcomics.com. It started out as a bit of a bumer, as it was a lot of Ochi and Crimson Dawn nonsense that didn't appeal to me, but in the last two issues that I was able to read with Sabe in them, things got... interesting. Firstly, its important to note that, prior to reading it, I was still unsold with the whole Sabe thing. I couldn't validate Vader settling for anyone, but Padme by his side. However, everything changed in issue 33 as I took it as more of a second chance than a replacement, what could have been in Vader's mind: Padme by his side as he murders rebels and anyone else. I believe he sees this as a proof to himself rather than anything else. In issue 31, he relives the last time he saw Padme on Mustafar:

Seeing any similarities? Vader wants to be accepted by Padme, even when it is so obvious to us that Padme shouldn't accept him. In Vader's mind, he doesn't see a reason why Padme shouldn't see him as if he's a different person. He feels entitled to her love despite being a monster, and someone who is unworthy of any sort of appreciation during his massacre. Vader can't see that similar to how we can't see that, and instead, he lashes out as we know he does, saying, essentially that she is the one who is different.

It is evident to me that this Vader comic revolves around this moment, that, after his encounter with Luke and now Sabe, is all he can think about. It's the thing that drives his actions. He has to- He must- be accepted.

And the thing is, he doesn't go about it is a right way, and of course he doesn't, he is Vader, Anakin's darkest self manifested, and so he manipulates and sacrifices anyone in his way, an analogy for myself.

Now, this isn't Vader's goal necessarily, because being accepted and liked are two separate, though granted, connected things, but I find people's perception of me to be extremely important, so much so that my chosen career is the most admirable I know, so that I may be admired. I say things to those I want to like me so that I am attractive; I put less effort into those I don't care as much about. I'm not posting my video game captures for the people. I'm doing it because I want to look impressive. I didn't take dear Artoo's interview for the people; I did it for me, dad gummit! My spotlight! ME, I say! The only way I could get through it with a clean conscious was to try to give God the glory that he is due 100 time over, because I wanted people to try to see Him in my life instead of me, because I truly believe that it takes something other than me to give Him any glory that I would otherwise keep for myself, much like Anakin with Luke. Anakin couldn't pull himself out, it was only when Luke laid down his life that Anakin realized Luke's love for him and his love for Luke. I know I'm totally going for a Christian parallel here, but I'm not going to apologize for it. For better or for worse, I just really identify with it, but you know what all of it reminds me of? Palps.

For those who don't know, I recently finished reading Darth Plagueis, and it was quite a ride... While I will always relate to Anakin's story the most, Palpatine has also resonated with me a lot because he represents the worst of us in such a reasonable way, and I know that that is an odd way of putting it, but the only way of putting it? Maybe. The thing is that he is so self aware of everything that he's doing, and who he is, and yet he still does everything, without ever justifying it once. I'm not going to say he tricked me, but he may have tricked me, because, while I feel like he has always been how Luceno describes him, I sure did enjoy him a lot more before. Now- now there's no wonder. He perfectly presents himself as an old, humble, likeable, admirable, dare I say, sacrificial at times, likeable gentlemen, though underneath and fully aware, he is entirely anything but. It's unsettling and scary, because I see myself in that, though much less so, obviously, heh heh... For me, Sidious is the ultimate villian, because of that bizzare consciousness, unlike the Joker or, I don't know Moriarty, who both seem more insane than sane. Sidious is just insanely sane.

I'm not saying that everyone's a Palpatine, because I feel like this is kind of a me thing, but no matter what flaws there are in the world, there is always good that comes out of it. God's good. I often find that the reason he allows me to have these trivial dilemmas are so that I will talk to Him or rely on Him. You wouldn't believe how much less you talk to Him or not at all until you need Him, lol, and yes, I suppose that isn't the best relationship, but, whether you think I'm insane or sane, I'm grateful for it, especially when He brings you out of something. It is never mindless suffering.

You know, wouldn't it be an interesting reality if you were the only one on Earth? If there was never more than one person that existed? It is primarily through hurting each other that we sin, though we'd still find a way without, I'm sure, however, God said that it was not good for Adam to live alone. It is truly incredible what we do with each other. Forming relationships, talking, rock paper scissors. How we treat each other, you know? We are all so different, yet all so alike, each have our own struggles, yet are so similar in them. We just out here together, doing our own things, moving as we please, looking left and right. I just can't help but get a love for everyone, for some reason. Once you realize you're the same, truly equal. Truly. I guess its a different world.

I don't know about you, m'boy, but I'm getting mighty tired of these- whatever you call 'ems- cathartic rambling monologues. I'm posting way more than I should. I would really like to get away from these feelings, really done with feeling, and letting it affect me, but faith says otherwise. Not done until I'm done, and that'll be one day someday, ya feel me? lol, I'm so weird.

I really don't know why you stayed until the end, but it means the world to me, and I wanted to thank you. I hope you somehow enjoyed, and enjoy Star Wars more because of it. After all, that's what brought us here together in the first place! I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day, or if you're getting close to bedtime, a good night! May the Force Follow You Forever!

All Glory to God!